Resilience
by cophinelovin
Summary: AU. Delphine is starting her life over after a tragedy. She discovers an unexpected friendship that might be exactly what she needs.
1. Chapter 1

Delphine walked up the stairs to her new apartment. She sighed, putting her bags down to shuffle around in her purse for the keys. She fumbled as she got the key into the keyhole, hearing the click of the lock, swinging the door wide. She picked up her bags, heading into her new home for the first time.

The movers had dropped all her things sloppily into the apartment. There wasn't much in the tiny space, just a few boxes here and there, her minimal furniture barely filling the room. She hadn't wanted to bring too much with her from her old life. She wanted a fresh start, needed to try in some small way to move forward.

She placed her purse on the kitchen counter, putting away the small bag of groceries she got on her way in. She looked around, noticing the silence. It's eerily quiet for being in the middle of a city. She figured San Francisco would be very different from her previous home in Minnesota, but right now it felt similar, but not in a good way.

She ruffled through one of the boxes in the kitchen, searching for her tea kettle. She found it and put some water on to boil, plucking a sachet from the box of tea she just purchased. She knew she needed to unpack everything, but she wanted to relax first. Finding a mug in the box, she poured the water into it, watching the steam rise as it filled.

She sat down on her favorite armchair. It's one of the things she didn't want to get rid of. There were a lot of memories in it, and though she wanted to leave most of it behind, the chair still held good memories in it, ones she wanted to hold onto. She sipped the tea slowly, allowing herself a brief moment to remember one of them.

" _Hey, you," Jen smiled as she walked into the room to see Delphine sitting in the green armchair in the corner, curled up with a book._

 _Delphine grinned at her. It's one of her favorite moments of the day, when she came home from work and Delphine could embrace her lovingly. She looked great, with her short dark hair perfectly styled, her button down shirt tucked into her khakis. Delphine always loved her work outfits. Jen walked over grabbing the blonde's face in her hands, pulling her in for a sweet kiss._

" _I missed you today," Jen said._

 _Delphine giggled, "I missed you too."_

" _Hey, I have a surprise for you," Jen smirked, slyly._

" _Oh yeah?" Delphine asked._

 _Jen took her hand, "Come here," she ordered, leading her toward the kitchen._

 _As Delphine reached the kitchen, she looked at the table, seeing a small brown box._

" _What is it?" she inquired._

" _Open it," Jen answered._

 _Delphine walked over, opening the box carefully to find a smaller black box inside. She opened it up to find a necklace, a thin silver chain with a small heart locket on it. A look of recognition flashed across her face._

" _Oh my god," she gasped. "Jen…"_

 _Jen grinned at her, ecstatic. "Do you like it? I had it fixed. New chain, they even repaired the piece that was broken."_

 _Delphine threw her arms around her wife, tears coming to her eyes. "I love it," she exclaimed._

 _The locket had been sitting in her jewelry case for years, broken, with no chain. It had belonged to her mother. She'd held onto it ever since her mother had died when she was 22. Ten years it had been sitting in that case. She always wanted to get it fixed, but never got around to it. Now, holding it in her hands, rubbing the smooth metal, she felt like her mother was there with her._

Delphine brought her hand to the locket around her neck, moving her finger over the cool charm. She felt her tears coming, but held them back. She had cried enough. She moved to get away, to start over, and she needed to stay strong.

She finished her tea, starting to unpack the boxes. She wanted to get everything settled before beginning her new job the next day. She set to work, wondering what her new life would be like, hoping it would be able to fill something within her that was empty.

She knew it was difficult to start over. She was almost 40 and her life had not turned out the way she had planned. She had thought she and Jen would grow old together, that they would have a family, share their lives. They had it for a long time, almost ten years, seven of those married. But the past two years, those had been unexpected. Those had been unbearably hard.

Delphine shook her head of the thoughts, focusing on the task at hand. She would focus on her research, her new lab. No one knew her here and that's the way she wanted it. She had moved to get away from all the stares, the whispers, the people walking on eggshells when they were around her. Anything would be better than that.


	2. Chapter 2

"Good morning, Dr. Cormier," the woman started, "Rachel Duncan. You'll be reporting to me. Let me show you to your lab and your team."

Rachel looked like a no nonsense, straight to the point kind of person. She was cold, her short bob angled, making her look even more rigid. Delphine was nervous, but not about the job. She was one of the top scientists in her field, she knew she could handle the work. She was anxious about meeting the people she would work with, about being in a new environment. The uncertainty was scary.

Delphine followed Rachel down a long corridor. The walls were so white, it looked like an institution. Rachel pushed her keycard up against the lock as the door to the lab buzzed open. As Delphine walked inside, she saw all the state-of-the-art equipment. She gaped in awe. She knew DYAD had a lot of money, but she hadn't realized how nice it would be.

"I hope you'll find this to your liking, Doctor. Let me know if you need anything that has not been provided," Rachel stated.

Delphine noticed the two forms at the corner table who looked up as Rachel spoke.

"Dr. Cormier, this is your team. Cosima Niehaus and Scott Smith."

"Hello," Delphine said as she forced a smile. The man was extremely nerdy looking with wireframe glasses and a dorky smile. He got up to greet her.

"Hey," he muttered shyly, "welcome. Very pleased to be working with you."

The woman followed. She was wearing her white lab coat over tight black pants with what looked like multiple shirt layers and a scarf. Her head held a massive amount of dreadlocks. She looked at Delphine through her glasses with a warm grin.

"Hi, I'm Cosima."

"I'll leave you to it," Rachel butted in before turning and leaving.

Delphine was at a loss for words. That had been a quick orientation.

Cosima giggled slightly, looking at Scott. She saw the look on Delphine's face.

"Should we tell her already, Scott?" Cosima asked him.

"Cosima, it's her first day," Scott whined.

"Tell me what?" Delphine asked.

Cosima chuckled again. "Oh, just Rachel, she can be a bit much. Don't let it bother you. We have a special nickname for her, but seeing as it's your first day, I think we'll skip that for now."

Delphine shrugged, placing her bag on the lab table. "Ok, well, would you like to get me up to speed?"

"Sure thing," Cosima answered. "Welcome to the team," she said warmly.

Delphine liked her energy. She was grateful to be working with someone who seemed so friendly. She needed that; she did not need to have that added stress in her life that came from working with terrible people. She had really been hoping this work environment would be good, and so far, she felt at ease in Cosima and Scott's presence, so she took that as a good sign.

Cosima and Scott showed her the ropes. The way they spoke about the research gave her confidence. They knew what they were doing. The day was more pleasant than she had expected it to be and she allowed herself to feel a glimmer of hope that things would indeed get better.

She arrived home, pouring herself a glass of wine to relax and boiled some pasta, sauteed some broccoli to go with it, and made herself up a plate. She sat at the table alone, quiet, as she got lost in her thoughts again.

" _Do you want some parmesan?" she asked Jen._

" _Yes, thanks," Jen answered, sneaking a bite of the food in front of her. "Baby, this is so delicious. I love when you cook for me."_

 _Delphine grinned. "Of course, I love making you happy." She brought the cheese to the table, sitting to eat, staring lovingly at her beautiful partner. "So I was thinking about our honeymoon, and I wanted to know if you would want to go to Paris with me. I would love to show you around, show you all my favorite places."_

 _Jen smiled back at her, "That sounds very romantic." She took Delphine's hand in hers, squeezing gently, "I want to go anywhere with you. It will be amazing."_

 _Delphine's heart felt like it could explode with love._

Delphine's phone buzzed, knocking her back to reality. She looked down, seeing a text from her father, asking how she was settling in. She smiled and answered him, thinking about how much he had helped her through everything. He had been her rock.

She cleaned up her meal, washing the dishes and putting away the leftovers. She didn't like cooking for one, but it was her only option. She was used to it by now anyway; she had been doing it for almost a year and a half.

She sat in her chair with some of the documentation she had taken home from work, sipping her wine, and reviewing the research. It was very thorough. She was excited to work with Scott and Cosima. They looked to be as smart as her and she knew they could do something great together.

She began to feel tired around 10pm and decided to get in bed. She placed her papers on the coffee table, heading into the bedroom. She found her toothbrush, staring in the mirror as she brushed. The bags under her eyes were not as prominent as they had been months ago. She was sleeping a little bit better recently. She noticed the slight wrinkles starting to form around her eyes. She didn't quite recognize herself anymore.

She stripped off her shirt and bra, getting down to her boxer shorts, and climbing into bed. It had been a long day. She fell asleep before she could let her thoughts wander again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good morning, Dr. Cormier!" Cosima exclaimed as she walked into the lab.

"Please, just Delphine," she said, "You are very awake in the morning."

"Yeah," Cosima smiled, "I get up early sometimes just thinking about the experiments I have to do. I'm a dork like that."

Delphine smiled as Scott walked in. "Good morning to you both," Scott stated.

Cosima ran past Delphine, throwing her arms around Scott. "Happy Birthday nerd!" she yelled, rubbing his head playfully.

Scott chuckled and turned red. "Uh, thanks, Cosima."

"Oh, Scott, I didn't know it was your birthday. Happy Birthday," Delphine said.

"How would you know? You just started," he asked.

Delphine smiled as they set out to get to work.

The three of them had a good rhythm together. Delphine was happy that her job was working out like this. She didn't need any further stresses in her life.

At the end of the day, Cosima came over to her while she was packing up her things. "Hey, Delphine, I'm going to take Scott out for a drink for his birthday. Do you want to come?"

Delphine didn't really want to. She wasn't ready to hang out in a friend capacity with anyone. If she did, that would prompt questions about where she was before, why she moved, and she didn't want to talk about any of it. "I'm sorry, Cosima, I think I'm just going to head home. I have some things to look over."

The dreadlocked brunette looked a little disappointed, but simply stated, "Ok, another time, then."

She turned to Scott, "Come on, stud, let's go get you laid for your birthday. Can't be a virgin forever."

Scott turned beet red as he chuckled nervously. "Always a joker, this one," he muttered to Delphine.

Delphine chuckled as the two bespectacled people left the room. She turned back to gathering her things, thinking about how carefree they seemed. They were only a few years younger than her, she thought, maybe in their mid-30s, but they both seemed to be untainted by life. She envied them.

As she walked out to her car, she thought about how that used to feel, uninhibited.

 _She was about to turn 30. Thirty. She couldn't believe how quickly her twenties had gone by. Her friends were throwing her a party at one of their apartments. She decided to have a drink at a bar on her way, just to have some quiet time to herself before her friends inevitably got her extremely inebriated._

 _She sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. She just needed a little time to relax and reflect on her last decade. It hadn't started out too well. Her mother had been gone for almost 8 years now, but it often felt just as raw as it did in the days following her death. It was a dull ache that she didn't think would ever go away. She missed her all the time._

 _The rest of her twenties had been a blur. She spent much of it in school, getting her master's, and then her doctorate. So much time focused on her career, she hadn't had much time for personal relationships._

 _As she sipped her beer, she noticed a woman sitting across the bar, alone. She caught her eye and the woman looked away. She was wearing a business suit, sipping a glass of wine. Delphine wondered why she was there. It was 5pm and they were the only two people in the bar._

 _She went back to her beer and her thoughts, resting her head on her hand and looking out the window. All of a sudden she felt a hand on her shoulder._

" _Excuse me," she heard the woman say, "I don't mean to bother you, but I thought since we were the only two people in here, we could drink together, or at least just next to each other. You know, give the appearance that we're not alone," she laughed._

 _Delphine smiled. "That would be ok."_

 _The woman sat down and they sat for a moment in silence._

 _Delphine finally broke the quiet, "So, why are you sitting in a suit, in a bar, at 5:15 on a Thursday?"_

 _The woman grinned. "Oh, I just had a job interview. It didn't go all that well, and I just wanted to sit and have a drink before I have to go home and continue searching."_

" _Oh, I see. Sorry to hear that. What exactly are you searching for?"_

" _Well, many things," the woman said, "but for my job, I'm trying to get a teaching position. I'm an English teacher."_

" _Oh wow," Delphine exclaimed, feeling relaxed from the beer she was drinking._

" _What about you? Why are you here?" the woman inquired._

" _Actually, it's my birthday, and I wanted to have a quiet drink before going to the party my friends are throwing for me," Delphine answered._

" _Oh my god! I'm sorry, I'm totally ruining your quiet moment. And it's your birthday! How rude of me," the woman replied, blushing._

" _Oh, no no, it's ok," Delphine said, "I'm enjoying the company. It's nice." She looked at the woman sitting next to her. She noticed how beautiful her eyes were._

 _The woman stared back. "Hi, I'm Jen."_

" _Delphine."_

" _So nice to meet you, Delphine," Jen stated, her body language more relaxed now._

 _Delphine needed to get going. She knew her friends would be waiting. On a whim, she decided she wanted to spend more time with this woman. "Jen," she started, "I know we just met, but if you want to take a break from the job search tonight, maybe you'd want to join me at my birthday party?"_

 _Jen exhaled as the sides of her mouth curled up into a grin. "Sure."_

Delphine made it home and heated up her leftovers from the previous night. She settled in much like she did the night before, going through the notes, trying to prepare as much as possible so she could keep up with Scott and Cosima.

Her work would help to keep her mind off of everything that happened. She liked the fact that no one knew her here. They could treat her like a normal person. She didn't want pity from anyone. That's what she had moved to get away from.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few weeks were busy. She worked long hours in the lab, learning everything, and found that she was enjoying herself more than she had in a long time. She got more comfortable being around Scott and Cosima, though she couldn't keep up with their incessant ragging on each other. Those two had known each other for a long time; they'd gone to school together so they were very close. Delphine sometimes felt like a third wheel in their conversations, but they always included her. Cosima was always looking out for her, making her feel like she belonged there. She had a very comforting personality.

One day, as work was nearing to a close, Cosima approached Delphine.

"Hey, so, Scott and I were talking. You've been here a month now. Can we take you for a drink? Pretty please?" Cosima asked, trying to charm her.

Delphine sighed. She had been enjoying herself with them so she figured, why not. "Mmm, ok."

Cosima's eyes lit up at her response. "Yeah? Scott, she said yes!" she called over to him.

Delphine laughed, surprising herself. She hadn't genuinely laughed in a while.

Cosima and Scott took her to a bar down the street. It was a cute little place with lots of artwork on the walls and they sat at a table, enjoying a beer, clinking their glasses together to cheers to the month that Delphine had been there.

"Honestly, we're really glad you're working with us," Scott stated, "It's an honor."

"Yeah, dude, ditto," Cosima echoed.

Delphine smiled. "Thank you. You two are very talented. I'm very lucky."

They all drank to that.

Delphine couldn't remember the last time she was out like this. It may have been years. She was feeling a slight pang of guilt, but she knew this was healthy for her, to get out, instead of sitting in her apartment alone, like she had been every night. She tried to let Scott and Cosima's carefree nature pull her in. There was something magnetic about the way Cosima spoke; it was easy to get lost in her energy.

Scott looked down at his phone. "Oh, hey, I need to go call my mom really quickly, excuse me."

"Aww Scotty needs his Mommy?" Cosima teased.

He gave her a sarcastic look before heading outside.

Cosima looked back at Delphine. "So, you want to play darts?"

Delphine had actually never played darts before. "Oh, ok, but you'll have to show me how."

"You don't know? Wow, ok, I can teach you. It's super easy," Cosima giggled, getting up to lead Delphine over to the board.

Delphine felt a little embarrassed once Cosima showed her the game of darts, since all she had to do was throw them at the board on the wall. It was a very easy game, except she kept missing the dart board and Cosima kept laughing at her.

Delphine felt a lightness in her chest that she hadn't felt in so long every time Cosima laughed. It was infectious and she hadn't been expecting that. She decided that it was nice to find a friend, although Cosima did not know her well and she feared she could never tell her about everything, because Cosima would never look at her the same way.

After one round of darts and Delphine playing terribly, she said, "I think I was not cut out for this game."

"Oh, it's ok, we're just having fun," Cosima beamed, looking directly into Delphine's eyes.

Delphine looked away immediately, feeling like she shouldn't have had that second drink.

"So, tell me about your life before San Fran," Cosima inquired, as she leaned up against the pool table next to them. "I don't know much about you, other than you being a brilliant scientist."

Delphine tried grinning but it didn't quite work out. She got nervous all of a sudden. She knew hanging out like this would prompt questions and she knew she should've prepared for them, but she didn't expect to be in this situation.

"Oh, well, I was in Minnesota before, doing similar work," Delphine answered, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Minnesota? It's freezing there! How'd you survive?" Cosima joked.

In an effort to keep things light, Delphine joked, "I barely survived it. Almost turned into a popsicle on a daily basis."

Cosima laughed. "Dr. Cormier, you do have a sense of humor."

She used to have a sense of humor. Delphine supposed she probably still did, somewhere buried deep inside her. She hadn't allowed it to come out in so long. Not after everything she had been through.

Delphine smiled at Cosima as Scott came back into the bar.

"How's Mommy?" Cosima asked, teasingly.

Scott chuckled. "She's fine, you're so kind for asking," he said sarcastically.

"Well, I think I'm going to head out," Delphine interjected.

Cosima looked at Delphine with a furrowed brow. "You sure? One more drink?" she asked.

"No, no, but thank you. This was fun," Delphine answered as she saw a flicker of disappointment flash over Cosima's face.

"Alright," Cosima muttered, pulling Delphine in for a hug.

Delphine was taken aback by the contact. A lot of friends had hugged her in the past year, but Cosima's hug felt warmer, more genuine. She let herself fall into the embrace for a moment before pulling herself out of it.

She waved goodbye to Scott and headed out.

As she arrived home, she thought about the night. She had allowed herself to let go for a moment, which she realized was just what she needed. She was nervous, though. Nervous that she shouldn't be letting go, that she shouldn't allow herself moments like that because maybe she should be thinking about her. About Jen. If she let go, would she forget? Forget everything they had?

She climbed into bed, exhausted from the day, and fell quickly into slumber.

 _Delphine walked into the kitchen, placing her keys in the bowl on the counter. She opened the freezer, taking out the microwave meal she found there. She stuck it in the microwave, pressing the number three._

 _She went back to the fridge, taking out the water, pulling a glass from the cabinet. She poured the water, watching it fill the cup slowly. After placing the water back in the fridge, she leaned against the counter, hands folded across her stomach, staring into space._

 _The beeping of the microwave brought her out of her trance and she picked up the hot meal, pulling back the plastic that covered it. The steam burned her hand, but she didn't care. She sat at the table, barely paying attention to what she was eating. It was only for sustenance, not taste._

 _The silence surrounded her._

 _This was her life now._


	5. Chapter 5

Another month had gone by. Delphine couldn't believe how the time was flying. She had picked up a nice routine now, going to work, coming home, making dinner and sitting on the couch, reading, or watching tv. It was comfortable.

She hadn't gone out at all since the night at the bar. She knew she could make it through on her own. Sometimes she would find herself feeling lonely late at night, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it, so she pushed the feelings aside.

It was a Friday and Delphine was looking forward to the weekend ahead, a chance for her to relax and get her mind off the work for a couple of days.

Scott had gone home already and she was left in the lab with Cosima at the end of the day. Rachel had just stormed through, giving them an assignment at 4pm on a Friday, like she liked to do, and they were frantically working to get it done so they could go home.

"She's a real trip, that one," Cosima mentioned.

"Hmm?" Delphine asked.

"Rachel. You know, I told you we had a nice nickname for her when you first started. You want to know?" Cosima inquired.

"Ok."

Cosima leaned in toward Delphine and whispered, "We call her uber bitch."

Delphine chuckled. "That is mean!"

"Aww, come on, you know it's true," Cosima joked.

"Yes, I suppose," Delphine admitted.

"I knew it!" Cosima teased, hitting Delphine's shoulder playfully with her hand as Delphine blushed.

They worked quietly for another half an hour until their work was done.

"Hey, Delphine," Cosima started, "Would you maybe want to grab a drink after this? I could use some unwinding after this week."

Delphine looked at the woman in front of her, seeing such kindness in those eyes. She knew she would only go home and sit on her couch if she didn't go out. "Ok," she answered.

Cosima's eyes lit up in a way Delphine could only imagine was the way she felt about life. She was so full of energy and excitement. It was a nice change of pace from Delphine's usual glum outlook on life.

They headed to the same bar they had gone to before and settled in with a couple of drinks.

"Tell me about yourself, Cosima," Delphine stated, wanting to keep the subject away from herself.

"Oh, I'm just a geek girl from Berkeley. I've been in the bay area my whole life. I grew up here, studied here...I love it here. It's my home," Cosima said.

"That's wonderful," Delphine responded. "It seems like a wonderful city. Though I have to admit, I haven't had time to do much exploring."

"No? Oh man, I'd love to take you around," Cosima declared. "I could show you some cool places."

Delphine smiled. "That might be nice to do sometime."

"What about this weekend?" Cosima blurted out.

Delphine hadn't expected to have to make a decision so soon. She didn't have any plans for the weekend, of course, but she was hesitant. Although, Cosima was so easy to hang out with, so easy to talk to.

"Mmm, ok," Delphine answered. "I'm free. Where are you taking me?"

Cosima squealed with delight. "Oh man, this is exciting. Well, I should take you to some touristy places first since you've never been. We definitely have to go to the Exploratorium, and of course, the Golden Gate Bridge, and you definitely have to see Alcatraz at some point, if you're interested."

Delphine chuckled. It was oddly amusing to watch the brunette get so carried away.

Cosima saw the surprised look on Delphine's face and brought her excitement back a little. "Sorry, I just like showing people around. Why don't we start with the Golden Gate Bridge. It's really beautiful. Tomorrow?"

"Sounds good."

They made a plan and Delphine started for home. As she walked up to her apartment, she felt the deep sadness creep back into her chest. She had felt too happy tonight. She didn't know if she should allow herself to feel that happy.

She looked forward to tomorrow but couldn't help but feel the guilt seeping back in.

Cosima picked Delphine up the next day and drove them to the bridge. It was a gorgeous sunny day, the perfect weather to be outside. Cosima had a giant grin on her face when she saw Delphine. Delphine noticed for the first time how beautiful her smile was.

They arrived at the bridge, as Delphine stared in wonder.

"Come on, you think it looks cool from here, let's see what you think when we're actually on it," Cosima exclaimed, grabbing Delphine's hand and leading her quickly toward the entrance of the bridge.

Delphine couldn't help but notice the warm skin contact in her hand. She let herself enjoy it for a moment but quickly pulled her hand away, unsure of the friendly touch.

They began walking out onto the bridge, the giant red beams shooting up high above them. They walked about halfway out and stopped, looking over the edge to the water below.

Delphine gasped. They were so high up. She put her hand over her mouth and stepped backwards, suddenly scared of the height. Cosima was behind her and she walked right back into her arms. Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine innocently, saying, "Easy there, I've got you. You scared of heights?"

Delphine felt the warm embrace of safety surround her. "No, not usually. This is just...just so high up." She allowed herself to stand still in Cosima's arms for a minute before breaking away.

Cosima giggled. "Come on, we can head back. Don't want you to be scared," she replied, with a caring look on her face. She grabbed Delphine's hand again and this time, Delphine let her hold it for longer than she thought she should have.

They sat on a bench, looking out onto the bridge, taking in the view.

"Is this better?" Cosima asked, inching closer to Delphine so their legs were almost touching.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I just got overwhelmed for a second," Delphine answered.

"No need to apologize. I'm glad I could swoop in and save you," Cosima teased.

Delphine smiled. She knew Cosima was staring at her, but she continued to look out at the bridge. In that moment, she felt something she hadn't felt in so many years. She felt hope. And it terrified her, way more than being on the bridge had scared her.

"Thank you for this, Cosima. I think perhaps I should go home now though," Delphine stated after a moment.

"Oh," Cosima replied with a hint of sadness in her voice, "Ok, I can take you home. Is everything ok?"

Delphine smiled weakly and nodded.

"You know, I hate to say it, but you're not a very good liar," Cosima teased, "But just know, I'm here for you if you want to talk. I'm an excellent listener."

"Thanks," Delphine answered, getting up to head out.

They rode home in silence until Cosima pulled up in front of Delphine's apartment.

"Hey," Cosima started, "I'm sorry if I'm being a little bit nosy, but like, did I do something to offend you? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, of course not," Delphine replied.

"Because I thought we were having a great time, joking around, and then all of a sudden you said you needed to go home," Cosima continued.

Delphine sighed. "No, you did nothing wrong. This was a wonderful morning, Cosima. I just...I have a lot that I'm dealing with right now."

Cosima put her hand over Delphine's. "Ok, seriously, if you want to talk, I am here. I'm no stranger to dealing with a lot, trust me."

She couldn't know how it is to deal with this, Delphine thought. Still, her kind words were making Delphine feel the slightest bit better.

"Thank you, Cosima," Delphine stated, "I will keep that in mind."

She got out of the car, getting into her apartment and laid back onto her bed. Cosima was sweet, but she didn't want to lay all her issues on her. She knew she wouldn't look at her in the same way. And she liked the way she looked at her.

Delphine shook her head, trying to rid herself of the crazy thought that she could somehow feel again, feel something for someone else. It wouldn't be fair for her to move on. None of it was fair.

" _Oh hello, Delphine," Ainsley said._

 _Delphine was grocery shopping at 9pm on a Thursday, hoping she wouldn't run into anyone she knew. Unfortunately, her plan didn't work._

" _Hi, Ainsley," Delphine replied._

 _She could see the look in Ainsley's eyes. She didn't know what to say. She looked terrified. Everyone always did. They treated her like she was this fragile thing that would shatter and break if they said anything wrong. She hadn't been treated like a real human being in months._

" _H...How are you?" Ainsley asked, tentatively._

 _Delphine took a deep breath and gave a weak smile. "I'm doing just fine, Ainsley." This was not the time or the place to say anything else. People didn't want that anyway. They wanted to think that you were fine, so they could feel bad for you, pity you, but not have to deal with you. No one wanted to deal with her._

" _Oh, good," Ainsley stated._

" _Look, I have to go," Delphine said, seeing the look of relief in the other woman's eyes. This is what it had come to now. Her making other people feel better, making sure they weren't uncomfortable._


	6. Chapter 6

Delphine's next few weeks were eventful. They made a breakthrough in the lab, figuring something out that they had been working on for a while. Cosima asked if they wanted to go to dinner to celebrate and Delphine had said ok before Scott mentioned that he had to babysit his sister's kid.

Delphine hadn't had time to think much about the morning she had spent with Cosima, but she found herself much more relaxed around her. Cosima provided her with an ease that she enjoyed, her presence was comforting. She was happy to spend more time with the woman; it was nice to have a friend again.

Cosima took her to a mexican restaurant and they sat drinking beer and eating tacos, talking about the project they had just finished, and laughing at how nerdy they both thought Scott was.

After a couple rounds of drinks, during a quiet moment, Cosima looked over a Delphine, getting a little more serious. "So how have you been doing? We haven't talked much since that day," she asked.

"Oh, I'm ok," Delphine lied.

"I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but again…not a good liar," Cosima stated, "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to pry, but you don't seem to have anybody else to talk to, and I worry about you. It's not good to keep things in. You know me, I talk about everything," she smiled.

"I know. I just, don't want to burden you with all of my problems," Delphine sighed.

"It wouldn't be a burden," Cosima explained, placing her hand over Delphine's on the table. "I care about you, you know."

Delphine felt a tingle come from her hand where Cosima was touching her. She pulled it back immediately. She felt like maybe she had had too much to drink.

Cosima noticed the change in Delphine's body language and felt like again, she had said something to upset the blonde.

"Cosima, I...would you be able to take me home now?" Delphine stumbled.

"Sure," Cosima replied, feeling deflated.

Cosima dropped Delphine off, and she collapsed on the couch when she got inside. She couldn't believe she was letting herself do this, feel things. What was she feeling anyway? What would she say to Cosima? Was Cosima...interested in her? She couldn't even entertain that thought.

She got in bed, unable to sleep, her mind spinning.

 _Jen was sitting on the bathroom floor, shaking, sobbing, a bottle of pills spilled on the floor around her. Delphine ran to her side, throwing her arms around her, cradling her, rocking her._

" _It's going to be ok," Delphine whispered._

" _It's not," Jen cried, "The tremors won't stop. I'm losing this battle."_

" _Shhh, ok, I love you, I love you," Delphine assured, stroking her wife's head, unable to know how to process her hurt, her anger, her sadness._

Delphine felt a tear slide over her cheek. She rolled onto her side, allowing herself a moment to cry, but knowing she didn't really have many tears left as she felt that she had sobbed them all already.


	7. Chapter 7

"Is that right, Scotty boy?" Delphine heard Cosima say as she walked into the lab.

"Shut up," Scott retorted.

"Oh, Delphine! Scott has a crush. And it's not on me, for once," Cosima giggled.

Scott turned a dark shade of red. "It's not a crush. I was just telling you about this girl I met. She's my sister's friend."

"Yeah, but you've got a daaaaate with her," Cosima teased.

"Wow, Scott, have you ever been on a date with a real girl?" Delphine interjected.

"Oh ho, look at Delphine, with the jokes," Cosima beamed.

Scott chuckled. "Good thing I like you guys, or else I would think you're being mean."

"Oh, no, we love you, isn't that right Delphine?" Cosima asked.

"Yes of course, Scott. Only teasing," Delphine answered. "This girl is lucky to go on a date with you."

Delphine got to work, getting into her lab coat and checking on their experiments from the previous week. Everything was looking good. She felt Cosima's presence next to her and turned to see the beaming brunette.

"How are you doing today?" Cosima asked, genuinely.

"I'm alright," Delphine answered. It was getting harder for Delphine to only have surface conversations with the woman. She knew Cosima could read her, and she knew Cosima wanted to know her more deeply. She felt bad about the way she had treated her last night, how she left with little explanation.

"Good," Cosima replied, cheerily.

"Cosima, will you let me make things up to you...for last night, I mean. I'm sorry, I feel like I might have been rude."

Cosima looked at her with wide eyes, a look of surprise on her face. "No, don't worry about it at all. I mean, you could come with me to this thing I'm going to later. It's an art opening for a friend of mine. Only if you want to though, no pressure." She threw her hands up in surrender.

"No, that sounds lovely. Ok," Delphine agreed.

Cosima's lips curled into a grin. "Ok."

Delphine arrived at the art opening a little after 7. It was at a warehouse and there were a lot of people there when she walked in. She walked through the crowds, searching for Cosima. She was glad she had decided to put on a dress. People were dressed nicely. It had been a long time since she had gotten dressed up, and she felt a little weird.

She spotted Cosima standing in the corner, talking to some friends. Her heart jumped when she saw her. She had never seen her look this nice, in a tight maroon dress that perfectly fell over her curves. Delphine felt anxious all of a sudden, nervous about what she was feeling, and scared about having any sort of feelings at all.

Cosima saw her, excusing herself from her friends, and coming over to greet Delphine.

Her eyes and smile were wide as she approached. "Hey," she beamed, "I'm so glad you're here." Delphine could see her eyes skim her up and down and Delphine felt herself getting warm. "You look super nice," Cosima stated.

"Thank you. So do you," Delphine responded.

"You want some wine?" Cosima asked.

"Sure," Delphine answered.

Cosima led her over to grab two glasses of wine and they browsed the art as Cosima talked her ear off about her friend's work. Delphine giggled as Cosima talked, telling her stories about her friends. She found herself feeling more and more relaxed after a few glasses of wine and she realized she was actually having a great time.

After about an hour, they walked outside to grab some air.

"Thanks for coming tonight," Cosima stated. "I'm glad you haven't run off yet," she joked.

"Cosima…" Delphine responded.

"Oh, I'm just kidding, sorry, that was rude."

"No, no, it's ok."

Cosima looked into Delphine's eyes. "But really, I'm having such a good time with you."

Delphine looked down for a moment before looking back at Cosima. She was feeling so many emotions, not sure really how to make sense of them all.

"Me, too," she whispered, weakly.

"Are you ok?" Cosima asked.

"You're always worrying about me, Cosima," Delphine answered.

"Yeah, well, I care about you...a lot, you know that?" Cosima responded.

"That's very sweet," Delphine replied, looking down at the sidewalk.

"Hey, seriously, if you don't feel comfortable, I can take you home," Cosima told her.

"No, it's just, I don't know," Delphine struggled to find the words. She kept going back and forth in her head, her emotions swirling, trying to make sense of it all. "It's... a lot."

Cosima took her hand. "Please, Delphine, let me in?" she pleaded.

Delphine sighed. Cosima had been so sweet, so kind to her. She hadn't spoken to anyone about any of it in a long time. She felt like maybe it would be a weight off her shoulders, but she was nervous about how Cosima might look at her afterwards.

"Ok," Delphine started, "Would you want to come over, and we'll just, talk?"

Cosima smiled, a look of relief on her face. "Yes, I would love that."

They took a cab to Delphine's apartment, and they walked in, both of them a little tipsy.

"Wow, this place is so cute," Cosima stated.

"Thanks, it's not bad," Delphine responded.

They ended up sitting on the couch with another glass of wine, facing each other. Cosima looked at Delphine, waiting for her to speak, searching for the connection she so desperately wanted. She wanted the blonde to trust her, to tell her about herself. Most of all, she wanted to be there for her.

"So…" Delphine began, "I am sorry I have been so on and off. There are some things you don't know...about me, about my past, and I've been afraid to tell anyone, because I really don't want a lot of people knowing. I moved to get away from it."

"Ok," Cosima nodded, "I want you to feel comfortable. But know that whatever you tell me, I would never tell anyone else."

"I know, thank you," Delphine said. "I also want to preface this by saying I hope you don't think any differently of me after I tell you, and I hope nothing changes between us."

"Of course, why would anything change?" Cosima asked.

"Most people just get weird when they know," Delphine replied.

"Well, I'm not most people, you know that," Cosima joked.

Delphine nodded, grinning weakly. She took a deep breath, looking down at her hands. "Things in my life have been...complicated for a long time." She didn't quite know how to explain everything, so she said it in the simplest way she could. "My wife...we were together for a long time, almost ten years. She got sick two years ago. Six months later, she went into a coma, and a year after that, she died. She had a rare neurological disorder. That was six months ago. I came here to get away from that life. I needed to get out of that town because I was tired of being pitied."

Delphine exhaled, her tears coming, finally looking up into Cosima's eyes. She expected to see fear, pity, concern, but what she saw was something completely different. She saw understanding. Understanding, and her own tears, threatening to spill over.

"Oh, Delphine, that's so hard. I really appreciate you telling me," Cosima swallowed as she reached out for Delphine's hand. "I know how you feel."

Delphine huffed, not expecting that response. "You know how I feel?"

"Well, not exactly how you feel, but can I tell you something?" Cosima asked.

Delphine nodded, watching as Cosima's tears started to spill over. This was about something else, not just what Delphine had just admitted.

Cosima got quiet for a moment. Delphine had never seen her like this. She was concerned all of a sudden.

She finally spoke, "I know how you feel because...so, I had this partner. We were together for six years. Three years ago, she...died, in a car crash. All of a sudden, she was gone. It's different, but I know what you mean about people pitying you."

Delphine's eyes went wide. She was not expecting that at all. She felt a hurt in her heart when Cosima told her. It was like she could feel both of their pain in her chest, and she felt the heaviness weigh on her.

"Cosima, I'm so sorry," Delphine choked through her tears. She pulled Cosima in for a hug, holding her tightly as they both let their tears fall.

They both knew they didn't need words as they held each other. There was a deep connection only they could understand, and they let their bodies do the talking. Cosima felt warm in Delphine's arms, and so comforting, as she rested her head on the brunette's shoulder.

After a while, they pulled back, looking at each other. Cosima grabbed Delphine's hands in hers. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need. You want to talk, not talk, I don't care," she assured.

"Thank you, I think right now I'd just like to sit and try to relax," Delphine answered. "Would you want to watch a movie with me? I'd like some company if you don't mind."

"That sounds nice," Cosima replied.

Delphine put on the movie and sat back down next to Cosima. They both stared at the screen as she thought. It felt good to tell someone. And she couldn't believe Cosima's confession. Maybe this would help. Having a friend who could understand what she was going through, at least a little bit.

Delphine got sleepier as the movie went on. She was tired from crying, tired from the wine, tired from the exhausting day. She put her feet up on the coffee table, shuffling herself lower on the couch. She noticed Cosima shifting a little bit closer to her. Her eyelids felt heavy as her head began to dip toward Cosima's arm. She felt her cheek press against Cosima's bicep but she didn't have the energy to pick her head up.

Cosima picked her arm up when she felt Delphine lean against her. She put it behind the blonde, letting her rest her head on her shoulder, and wrapping her arm around Delphine's neck to hold her shoulder.

Delphine felt comfortable in this embrace. She needed it. It had been so long since anyone had held her, and though she wasn't sure that she should be enjoying it so much, she was too tired to do anything else.

She didn't realize she had fallen asleep, but the next thing she knew, she was hearing Cosima's soft voice rouse her.

"Hey, Delphine," she whispered, "You should go to bed. I'm going to go home now."

Delphine opened her eyes, feeling a little confused. "Hmm?" she mumbled, reaching out to put her palm on Cosima's cheek, smiling. She was feeling fuzzy from the alcohol and having been woken up in what seemed like the middle of the night.

"Come on, let me help you get to bed. Then I'll go," Cosima said warmly, putting Delphine's arm over her shoulder and helping her up. Cosima walked Delphine into the bedroom, laying her down onto the bed.

"I'll let you sleep now," Cosima whispered.

"Mmm," Delphine whimpered, "Wait, would you stay?"

"No, I think I should go home, ok? We'll talk soon," Cosima responded.

"Ok," Delphine answered, feeling a little upset, but not knowing why she should. She hoped she didn't mess anything up, thinking back to their earlier conversation.

Cosima turned to leave and as Delphine heard the door shut behind her, she drifted into sleep, not even having the energy to change out of her clothes.


	8. Chapter 8

Delphine awoke, groggy, on Saturday morning. She opened her eyes, looking down, and realizing she had never changed out of her dress. She groaned as she got up to change and brush her teeth. She put on some comfortable clothes and popped a couple of ibuprofen. Her head was pounding. She laid back in bed, thinking about the previous night.

What had she been thinking? She felt terrible. She hadn't had any sort of feelings for anyone in a really long time, and she didn't know if she should. She didn't even know what those feelings really were anyway. Did she just need a friend? Did she just enjoy Cosima's company? She had asked her to stay. That was stupid, she thought. She felt extremely guilty. It had only been six months since Jen had gone, but really it had been years since they had had a regular relationship.

And Cosima, with her partner who had died, suddenly. At least Delphine had a chance to say goodbye, in some way. Had she made a mistake? Pushed it too far? Asking her to stay, after they had just confessed their biggest secrets to each other. She wasn't even sure what she wanted, but when she was around Cosima, she felt safe, and that was a feeling she hadn't felt in a really long time.

The day went by slowly. Delphine slept for a while, lazing around, doing some reading. She didn't hear from Cosima all day, but Delphine hadn't contacted her either. She wasn't quite sure what to say and didn't know how Cosima was feeling about everything.

As Delphine was just about to start a new tv episode, she heard a knock at the door. She got up to open it. As the door swung open, a grin spread across her face involuntarily. Cosima was standing at the door, a paper bag in her hand, smiling up at her.

"Hey," Cosima said, "I thought maybe you'd want some company. I brought dinner."

Delphine smirked. "Yeah, ok, come on in."

Cosima headed straight for the kitchen, unpacking the food she brought and placing dishes out for the two of them. "I'm sorry I didn't contact you earlier today," she called out, "I had a wicked headache and slept most of the day."

"That's ok, so did I," Delphine answered.

"You feeling ok now?" Cosima asked, placing the silverware on the table.

"Yes," Delphine responded.

"Good," Cosima smiled, "I'm starving. Let's eat?"

Delphine nodded, sitting down at the table. She dug into the chinese food Cosima had brought and she felt her energy returning as she ate.

Delphine was happy that Cosima was acting so normal. She had been worried that she might act differently around her after she found out, but she seemed to be the same. Delphine watched her hungrily scarfing down her food and she giggled.

Cosima looked up from her lo mein. "What?"

"Slow down there. It's like you haven't eaten in two days," Delphine joked.

"Well I haven't eaten all day!" Cosima exclaimed.

Delphine smiled, taking a few bites of her food. "Thanks for bringing me dinner."

"Anytime," Cosima replied. She paused for a moment before speaking again. "I hope you were ok last night. I was worried," she added, tentatively.

"Yes I was fine. Just drunk and tired," Delphine answered. "I'm sorry I asked you if you would stay. That was inappropriate."

Cosima looked up at her. "No, no, don't worry about it. I…" she trailed off.

"You what?" Delphine inquired.

Cosima shook her head. "Nothing. I just had a good time with you last night. It's really nice to find someone who understands, who gets it. I feel like I can talk to you. I hope you feel the same."

"Of course I do," Delphine responded, "I feel very grateful to have found a friend like you."

Cosima nodded before going back to her food.

After they ate, they settled in on the couch. "Are you ok with just relaxing? My head kind of hurts still," Delphine admitted.

"Yeah, of course. I'm just enjoying your company," Cosima replied, smiling. "Do you want to talk?"

"You said you knew how I felt when you said people pity you. Do you still get that from people? I'm assuming everyone around here knows since you've been here your whole life," Delphine asked.

Cosima sighed. "Yeah, it's not so bad anymore, but after Elise died, I couldn't face anyone because they treated me like _I_ was dying. For a really long time. I went to a really dark place."

"How did you get out? I mean...if you don't mind me asking," Delphine inquired.

"It's ok. Actually, Scott helped me out a lot. He's kind of annoying in the way he really cares about me. He just kept coming over and bugging me until I finally went out. He got me to do things again. I'll be grateful for him forever for that. But it took me a long time. It wasn't easy," Cosima explained.

"I know what you mean," Delphine added, "I knew this was coming for a long time. When Jen was sick, when she was in her coma, even the people who I thought were close friends just stopped coming by. I think they didn't know what to say to me, but it hurt. I just wanted them to spend time with me like they used to, but it was too hard I guess. The only person who helped me through it was my father. But he lives in France, so it's not like he was there. We talked on the phone every day." She paused, moving her across her chest, rubbing her arm with her opposite hand. "Anyway, after Jen died, I couldn't take it anymore, the stares, the whispers. That's why I started looking for a new job. I needed a fresh start."

Cosima nodded. "Do you miss it? Living in Minnesota, I mean."

"I miss my old friends, even though we had drifted apart. And I miss my house, but I couldn't stay there. Too many memories. I never felt that connected with Minnesota otherwise, so I don't really miss it like that," Delphine answered. "It's definitely been lonely though. I mean, I've been lonely for years."

"I hear that too," Cosima confessed.

"You have so many friends! You are lonely here?" Delphine asked.

"I do have a lot of friends, but you know...it's not the same...that kind of loneliness," Cosima answered.

Delphine looked at Cosima, seeing for the first time, the strain in those kind eyes. "Can I ask you a very personal question?"

"I think we've been pretty personal," Cosima smirked.

"I know. I was just wondering, if you've been...well, how long it took you to feel something for someone else after…" Delphine stumbled.

"Honestly," Cosima started, fumbling with the rings on her fingers, "I haven't. I mean, until…uh, never mind."

Delphine looked at her with confusion. "You haven't been with anyone since?"

Cosima shook her head. "For a long time, I felt too bad about it, I couldn't even think about having feelings for someone else."

"I know what you mean," Delphine replied.

"But you know, I feel like maybe it's been enough time, and Elise would want me to be happy, right?" Cosima wondered.

"I'm sure she would," Delphine responded. "But I know that feeling. I'm not sure if or when I could ever be with anyone else. I feel too guilty."

"But Jen would want you to be happy, too," Cosima asserted, "You have to know that."

"I guess…" Delphine muttered. "It's just so unfair, what happened to her. What happened to either of them." She felt her tears coming back to her eyes.

Cosima leaned forward, placing her hand on Delphine's arm. "I know," she whispered. "Life is so unfair. But that's all the more reason to try to be happy, right?"

"How do you stay so positive?" Delphine asked.

Cosima smiled. "Like I said, I went through a dark place before, I haven't always been so positive. But I guess at some point, I realized I needed to live again. It's still hard, and feeling things again is hard for me, but recently, it's been welcome," she paused, getting quieter. "You know, like, I've really liked hanging out with you. You've been making me happier."

Delphine swallowed and felt her face getting red. Cosima was making her happier too, but she still felt terribly guilty. "I'm glad," she choked out.

Cosima looked at her, trying to read her eyes. All she saw was sadness, Delphine's tears starting to spill down her cheeks. "Come here," Cosima comforted, "It's ok. You can cry if you need to."

Delphine was so grateful that she said that. She was sick of people telling her to stop crying. Sometimes she just needed to let it out. She let herself lean forward into the brunette's warm embrace. Cosima rubbed her back as she sobbed, holding her close. She ran her hand down Delphine's soft curls, pulling her head tighter to her neck.

Delphine's tears slowed, and she breathed deeply into Cosima's neck. She smelled so good, and Delphine felt a comfort she wasn't used to. Her skin was soft against her cheek. It felt too good. She immediately backed up, startling Cosima.

"I'm sorry. I am such a mess," Delphine stated.

Cosima looked at her, concerned. "I thought we established that was ok. You don't have to apologize."

"I know...I know," she said, flustered. "I just...I don't know."

"Hey, just talk to me?" Cosima pleaded.

Delphine wanted to say something, but she knew she shouldn't. She couldn't. She wasn't ready.

"I...I'm fine," Delphine stated.

Cosima saw that Delphine had shut down again, but she didn't push. She felt a little hurt, but wanted Delphine to be comfortable.

"Ok, well, I think I'm going to head home. I'll see you Monday at work, yeah?"

Delphine felt the disappointment in the pit of her stomach when Cosima said she was going to leave. "You don't have to go. I'd like you to stay."

"Delphine…" Cosima replied. "I can't. I'm going to make a mistake if I stay."

"What?"

"Look, sorry, I'll see you Monday." Cosima got up to leave. "This was really fun." She gave Delphine a quick squeeze on the arm and she was out the door.

Delphine closed her eyes, laying back on the couch. What did she mean by that? A mistake?

Why had Delphine felt such disappointment in her leaving? She wasn't ready to feel something for someone else. But maybe she didn't have a choice, she thought. How could this happen so soon?

She found herself thinking about Cosima all night until she went to bed. She couldn't get the brunette out of her mind, how comforting she was, how safe she felt with her arms wrapped around her. She wasn't used to the feeling of thinking about someone else. She didn't want to let go of the good memories she had with Jen. She felt like if she didn't think about them often, she would forget. And that scared her immensely.


	9. Chapter 9

When Delphine arrived at work on Monday, she saw the familiar sight of Cosima and Scott, laughing as she came into the lab.

"Morning, Delphine," Scott called out.

"Good morning, Scott," Delphine responded, "Cosima."

Cosima smiled and came over. "Hey, how are you doing today?"

"Better," Delphine grinned, and she actually meant it, a little bit.

Cosima put her hand on Delphine's shoulder. "Glad to hear it."

Delphine felt her breathing hitch slightly at Cosima's touch. These feelings are real, she thought. She couldn't believe it and she didn't know what to do about it.

She pushed the thoughts from her mind and tried to focus. They had a lot of work to get done this week. When the three of them put their minds together, it was something special. Delphine slowly got into the routine as they bounced ideas off of each other, their minds all working in sync. It was a good feeling.

The week went by quickly. Delphine hadn't spent any time outside of work with Cosima because Cosima had been very busy, and Delphine wasn't sure what she would say to her if they did hang out.

It was finally Friday and Delphine collapsed onto the couch when she got home. She was exhausted. She laid back, falling asleep before she could even think about getting up to make dinner.

 _Jen laid in her hospital bed. She was awake and she smiled as she saw Delphine approach. She was very tired, and on a lot of medication._

" _Hi, honey," Delphine soothed, "I'm here."_

 _Jen had a panicked look in her eye._

" _What is it?" Delphine asked, concerned._

" _Delphine," she whispered, "I need you to promise me something."_

" _Anything, my love," Delphine responded._

" _When I'm gone, you have to move on. You have to. I want you to be happy. Promise me...promise me," Jen begged._

 _Delphine was taken aback. "Jen, please, stop, don't talk like that."_

 _Jen looked frantic. "Delphine, you have to. Promise."_

" _Ok, I—"_

 _Delphine didn't get a chance to finish. Jen began to shake and as Delphine screamed, the nurse ran in and pulled her back._

Delphine woke up in a cold sweat. Was that a dream? Was it a memory? She wracked her brain trying to remember if it actually happened or not. She had tried so hard to suppress any memories that weren't good.

Maybe her mind was creating these memories just to keep torturing her because she had started to feel something for someone else. She knew that was ridiculous, but she couldn't help thinking it. If it had been real though, had Jen really said that to her? Did it even matter? Cosima had been right, Jen would've wanted her to be happy.

She felt the tears start to flow. She wanted Cosima to comfort her. She knew she couldn't do that to her. She needed to figure out what she was feeling before she led her on and hurt her. Cosima was too kind.

That was the problem. Cosima was too kind. Too nice. Too beautiful. Too amazing to let her pass by.

She just needed some time to sort things out. She now knew she was feeling something, but _allowing_ herself to feel something was different.

For the next couple of weeks, she went to work and came home right after. Cosima did not stop by. Delphine figured she was giving her some space.

It was Friday again, a few weeks after they had had dinner at Delphine's apartment. As she was heading out the door, she felt a hand grab her arm.

"Hey," Cosima said, "Are you avoiding me?" She looked at Delphine, seeking a sincere answer.

"No, of course not, Cosima," Delphine assured.

"Hmm, not sure if I believe you there," Cosima replied, "We just haven't hung out in a while. I miss it."

Delphine felt a warmth come to her face. "I know. Let's do something soon, ok?" She was trying to stay as neutral as possible, as difficult as it was.

Cosima looked at her with skepticism but she just shrugged and said, "Ok."

Delphine headed home for another quiet night at her apartment. As she made dinner, she thought about how she felt when she was around Cosima, how her entire body would feel warm, how her face would flush, and she would feel an electric shock jump from her stomach when Cosima smiled at her. These were not feelings she could control. And she was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, she didn't want to control them. She wanted to feel again. And this felt good.

As she sat down, her phone rang. She saw it was from her father, and she smiled, answering the call.

"Allo, Papa?"

"Bonjour, Delphine!" he greeted. "How are you doing?"

"I am fine, Papa. The new job is good. I've settled in just fine here," she responded.

"Oh, I am so happy to hear that! You sound happy, my darling. Have you made any new friends?" he asked.

"The people I work with are great. I've been hanging out with one of my coworkers. She's been very kind to me and we have a good time together," Delphine paused. "But that was a few weeks ago. I haven't really seen her since, except at work."

"Well, why not? Go hang out with her if you're having fun with her," he suggested.

"Oh, Papa, it's more complicated than that," Delphine pointed out.

"Delphine, do you like this woman?"

"Well, sure, I like her. She's great."

"That's not what I mean. Do you _like_ her?" he inquired.

"What? Why would you say that?" she asked, incredulously.

"Delphine, you act like I don't know my baby girl. From the moment you answered the phone, I knew something was up. Your voice has this lilt to it that I haven't heard since...well, since before everything happened. So, what's the problem?"

"I...I can't do that...to Jen," she admitted.

"Listen, I can say this because I'm your father and I've been with you through all of this. Jen is gone and you know that. She's been gone a long time, even before she actually went. Now, she would want you to be happy, and you deserve it. So stop feeling badly and go live your life," he advised.

Delphine felt her eyes well up with tears. "But I don't want to forget her," she choked.

"You won't. Look at me. I found Marie. But I still think about your mother every day and I remember every great time we had together. And that was almost 20 years ago. I love Marie but I will never stop loving your mother," he admitted.

Delphine sighed, biting her lip as her tears ran over. "Thank you, Papa."

"You deserve all the happiness in the world, Delphine. Je t'aime."

"Je t'aime aussi."

She hung up the phone, wiping away her tears. Maybe her father was right. He usually was.

She missed Cosima. She didn't realize how much until that moment.

She decided to call her. As she dialed, her hands shook. She was so nervous.

"Hello? Delphine? Everything ok?" she heard the brunette say.

"Yes, Cosima. My gosh, I can't just call you without you thinking something is wrong?" she asked.

"Well, this is kind of out of the blue. You haven't exactly talked to me in a while outside of work. Of course I think something's wrong."

"Sorry…" Delphine apologizes. "I was actually just calling to see if you wanted to come over tomorrow."

"Oh," Cosima paused, "Um, I don't know, Delphine."

Delphine was confused. "What? Why not?"

"I...I don't really want to explain over the phone," she stated.

"Well, then what am I supposed to do? I can't talk to you on the phone and I can't see you in person?"

Cosima laughed. "Oh, yeah, sorry, right, we should talk. Ok, how about I come over tomorrow around lunchtime?" she asked.

"Ok, that sounds good," Delphine agreed. "See you then."

She hung up the phone and sighed. Why did Cosima sound like she didn't want to hang out with her? Had she misread the signals? Had she let herself feel something that wasn't even there? She was even more confused than ever. And she would have to wait until tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

Delphine awoke early the next day, eagerly awaiting Cosima's arrival. She felt silly. Nothing had really changed. She was just hanging out with her friend, but at the same time, everything had changed. She had acknowledged her feelings for her, which was a huge step. She still didn't know what she was going to do with that realization, but just the fact that she was feeling again was big.

Around noon, she heard a knock at the door. She opened the door to find Cosima smiling that same familiar smile up at her. "Hey!" she greeted her.

Delphine pulled her into a hug. Cosima seemed a bit taken aback by the action as she did not embrace her as she normally did. She broke the hug and invited Cosima inside.

She offered her something to drink, which she accepted, and they both sat on the couch.

Delphine smiled nervously at the brunette before breaking the silence, "Soooo, you didn't sound like you wanted to hang out with me when we talked yesterday," she half teased.

"No, no, that's not it, Delphine," Cosima stated. "I…"

"What then?"

"Delphine…" Cosima muttered. "I don't want to say anything to ruin this friendship. I'm nervous."

"What could you possibly say that would ruin it?" Delphine asked, moving her hand to Cosima's.

Cosima pulled her hand back immediately at the blonde's touch. Delphine felt embarrassed and anxious when she saw how Cosima was reacting.

"Cosima, what's going on?" she questioned.

Cosima took a deep breath. "Look, I'm going to tell you something, but I really don't want you to freak out. I just feel like you have a right to know." She paused. "Remember when you asked me if I've felt anything for anyone since…"

"Yeah?"

"Well...I haven't...until...until now," Cosima exhaled deeply. "Everything changed when I met you. And honestly, it's scary."

Delphine bit her lip as her heart pounded inside of her chest.

"Cosima, I—"

"Delphine, please don't feel like you need to say anything. I know you told me you didn't know when you would feel something for someone again," Cosima said, "I just thought you should know." She looked down at the ground.

Delphine grabbed both of Cosima's hands in hers tightly, not letting her pull them away. "Cosima, I know it's scary, because I just realized the same thing. I've been afraid to let myself feel anything, but...I can't help myself when I'm around you."

"Really?" Cosima asked, incredulously, looking up into hazel eyes.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't think I'm really ready for anything yet, but I can't hide the feeling I get when I'm with you, and the comfort you give me," Delphine confessed.

Cosima smiled the widest smile Delphine had seen on her beautiful face. "Well, what if we take it slow?" Cosima suggested. "Right now, I just love spending time with you, so I'm happy to do whatever, as long as it's with you."

Delphine felt a rush flow all the way through her body and she grinned. "That sounds wonderful." She moved in closer to Cosima, putting her arm around her shoulders as Cosima leaned in, laying her head onto the blonde's chest.

Delphine closed her eyes. This felt good, but she was so anxious. She tried to let the smaller woman's touch relax her.

"Is this ok?" she heard Cosima say as her eyes were still closed.

"Yes," Delphine answered quickly.

She heard Cosima let out a deep breath and felt the warmth on her chest. This feeling was so unfamiliar that she barely knew how to handle it. To have a woman in her arms again, it was foreign to her, but also, it felt so right.

"Delphine?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go out for lunch with me?" Cosima inquired.

"Sure," Delphine answered.

Cosima broke away from their cuddle to grab Delphine's hand, hoisting her up. "Come on, I'm bringing you to my favorite sandwich spot. We can pick up some food and go sit in the park."

"That sounds nice," Delphine smiled. She was so grateful to have this companionship and to be somewhat ok with it. She was trying, at least, remembering her father's words.

They picked up some food on the way to the park. It was a gorgeous day, the sun shining brightly and warm, somewhat rare weather for San Francisco in the summer. Delphine laid out the blanket she had brought and they sat on the ground, enjoying their sandwiches and each other's company.

"Elise and I used to come here," Cosima mentioned, "Is it ok if I talk about her?"

"Of course. I want to hear all about her," Delphine answered.

Cosima smiled. "She had a job not too far from here, and sometimes if I had a day off, I would meet her on her lunch break and we would sit here and have a picnic. I used to not be able to come here after, but now it's more soothing to me. I started coming back about a year ago, trying to remember the good things."

"I know exactly what you mean," Delphine responded, "It's important to remember the good memories, even though it's difficult sometimes."

"Yeah, I couldn't really think about any of those memories for a really long time. It was too painful. We lived together, and the day she died, I left that apartment and never went back. Luckily, Scott found me another place quickly," she told Delphine. "But sometimes, I find myself walking by it, standing out front, and remembering the great times we had there."

Delphine took Cosima's hand and scooched in a little bit closer. "It must be difficult to be around all the things that give you these memories. I left a lot of those behind. But, mostly for the bad memories. Our house was filled with sickness. I couldn't be there anymore."

Cosima let her fingers caress the back of Delphine's hand. "You're very brave," she complimented.

Delphine shook her head. "No, I have been a mess for so long."

"No, there's a difference. You are not a mess. You've been feeling. You've been dealing with it. And you've been doing it mostly alone," Cosima soothed, "That is brave."

Delphine gulped, feeling a rush of emotions flood her senses. "Thank you," she whispered. "You are brave, too."

Cosima grinned out of one side of her mouth. "Well, hey, you don't have to go through this alone anymore. I'm here for anything you need."

"I don't know how much help I can be in my state, but I am here for you too," Delphine replied.

"You help me more than you know," Cosima admitted.

Delphine smiled as she laid back on the blanket, staring up at the cloudless sky.

Cosima laid on her side next to Delphine, snuggling up to her, and rubbing her arm lightly with her hand. She laid her other arm under her head, resting her cheek on it, staring at Delphine's blonde curls, her face so close to them. They stayed like that for a while, in silence, enjoying the noises of the park, the birds chirping, the children playing.

Delphine felt at peace. It was not a feeling she was used to, but she let it overtake her for just a moment.

"You doing ok?" Cosima asked quietly.

Delphine nodded.

"Hey, so, some of my friends are having a little get together tonight. Would you want to come with me?" Cosima asked. "No pressure, of course, but they would love to meet you."

"You told them about me?" Delphine replied.

Cosima blushed. "Oh, yeah, I might have mentioned you, but I mean, like, they don't know anything. Just that we work together," she paused. "And I might've mentioned I thought you were cute, but like way back when you first started working with me."

Delphine was not used to flirting. She turned red, not knowing what to say in response.

"Oh my god, sorry," Cosima said, when she saw the look on the blonde's face. "Was that too much?"

Delphine finally found her voice again. "No, no, I'm just...not used to it, you know? I'm a little out of practice with the whole dating thing."

"Oh, well, you don't have to be worried around me. Just be yourself. I don't care if you do or say anything right," Cosima confessed. "I just love your company."

"But just for the record," Delphine started, feeling a bit more confident, "you think I'm cute."

Cosima blushed, giggling, "Ok, yeah, you got me." She paused. "So, will you come?"

Delphine thought for a moment. She didn't know anyone else in this city and she figured Cosima's friends would be as welcoming as she was. "Yes," she responded.

Cosima grinned wide and hugged Delphine, putting her arm across her stomach briefly before pulling back. "I've got some errands I need to run before the party so maybe we should get going. You can meet me there later. Is that ok?"

Delphine nodded as she got up to pack up their picnic. Cosima dropped her off at home and she settled in with some reading before she needed to get ready for the night ahead. She couldn't believe she was actually going out to a party. She didn't remember the last time that had happened.

As she sat in her favorite chair, she realized the aching sadness in her chest was no longer overwhelming. She knew it would always be there in some form, but maybe it didn't need to consume her entire life. She grinned as she thought about their earlier picnic. Cosima was so easy to talk to and she loved getting to know her. She was looking forward to seeing her again tonight, and that feeling of excitement was completely new. She didn't mind it.


	11. Chapter 11

Delphine arrived at the apartment fashionably late to make sure that Cosima would already be there. Her palms were sweating as she rang the doorbell. She was nervous, unsure of how she would hold up, being around so many people again. So many new people. The fact that they knew nothing about her gave her some relief. She hoped to keep it light and have a little fun.

A man wearing a tank top and tight black jeans opened the sliding door. "Hello there," he remarked.

"H...Hi, I'm looking for Cosima," Delphine stumbled.

"Ah, you must be Delphine. Now I get it," he held out his hand, "I'm Felix. Come on in."

Delphine walked into the space. It was a large apartment with high ceilings and artwork everywhere. There were people standing around, many of them deep in conversation or laughing with friends. She felt a little overwhelmed.

"Delphine!" she heard from across the room, turning to see Cosima bounding toward her, the goofiest grin on her face. "Hey," she beamed as she pulled Delphine into her embrace.

Delphine felt her body relax as she molded into Cosima's familiar touch. "I'm so happy you're here," Cosima stated as she moved back from the hug.

Delphine smiled and nodded. "Me too," she muttered weakly.

"So you've already met my man, Felix. This is his place. Come meet the others."

Cosima led Delphine over to a small group standing against the wall. They all turned to look at her at the same time and she felt her anxiety creep in.

"You know Scott already, obviously. This here is Sarah, Felix's sister, and this is Alison and Donnie. Oh and that's Helena over there." She pointed to a girl with wild hair laughing and taking shots with Felix. "Helena's the wild one," Cosima whispered to Delphine.

"Nice to meet you, Delphine," Sarah stated, holding out her hand to shake Delphine's. "I've heard a lot about you."

Delphine looked at Cosima who had turned a nice shade of red. "You have?" she asked Sarah.

"Oh yeah, this one goes on and—"

"Ok, that's enough out of you, Sarah," Cosima chuckled nervously, cutting her off.

She shook Alison and Donnie's hands. They all seemed very nice. Of course they would be; they're Cosima's friends.

"You want a drink?" Cosima asked. "There's some wine."

"That sounds good," Delphine responded. She needed to relax.

"Come get it with me," Cosima told Delphine, taking her hand. She led her over to the makeshift bar. She poured the wine into two glasses, handing one to Delphine. Before they could go back over to Cosima's friends, Cosima put her arm gently around Delphine's waist to rest her hand on the small of her back. "You doing ok?" she asked, looking sweetly into Delphine's eyes.

Delphine took a deep breath, letting her anxiety flow out through Cosima's warm touch. "Yes, I'm ok, thank you. Your friends seem so nice."

Cosima smiled. "They are going to love you."

Delphine nodded. They walked back over to the group, hand in hand.

"Scotty boy, where's your new girlfriend?" Cosima asked.

Scott blushed. "Oh, she can't make it tonight." He looked disappointed.

"Aww, Scotty's in loooooove," Cosima teased, shoving his arm with her hand.

"Shush, Cosima, or else I'll start talking about how smitten you are," Scott replied.

Cosima blushed, embarrassed, unable to look at Delphine. Sarah came to her rescue. "Hey, Delphine, so how are you liking San Fran?" she inquired.

"Oh, it's very nice. I haven't seen too much of it yet," Delphine answered, "But Cosima's been showing me around a little."

"Oh good, Cos knows all the best spots. Stick with her and you'll have a good time," Sarah replied.

"I have figured that out," Delphine smiled at Cosima who was still beet red.

Delphine was feeling much more relaxed as the night went on, having had a few glasses of wine, and enjoying Cosima's friends. They were really great and did not pry into her personal life too much, which she appreciated.

They ended up all sitting around on the couch while some other people danced in the middle of the floor. Helena was wildly dancing with Felix, who also had two men hanging off of him. Alison and Donnie were slow dancing in the corner, seemingly lost in each other.

Delphine sat close to Cosima, with Sarah and Scott on Cosima's other side. Cosima moved her hand onto Delphine's knee, glancing at her for approval. As soon as she felt the touch, Delphine put her hand over Cosima's and smiled.

It was getting late and Delphine was tired, not used to staying out much past 11pm. She was not so young anymore, and it had been a long time since she stayed out late.

She leaned over to Cosima. "I think I'm going to go home," she whispered. "Would you want to come with me? I mean, we could just hang out a little more." She didn't want to leave Cosima's company.

Cosima grinned. "Yeah, I would love that."

They said goodbye to everyone and headed back to Delphine's. They got inside and Delphine went to the kitchen to grab some drinks while Cosima sat on the couch, opening Delphine's laptop. "Do you mind?" she asked Delphine.

"Of course not," Delphine answered.

Cosima searched for the music she was looking for and pressed play as Delphine walked back into the room. She stood up and walked over to Delphine, taking the drinks out of her hand and setting them down on the coffee table.

"Delphine, will you dance with me?"

Delphine chuckled. "Oh, I don't really dance."

"Well, you don't really have to do much, just, may I?" she asked, reaching out for Delphine's hands.

Delphine's breath hitched in her throat. "Ok," she whispered.

Cosima took Delphine's arms, placing them around her own waist. She then threw her own arms around Delphine's neck, resting her head on her shoulder and swaying slowly.

Delphine felt Cosima's warmth against her chest and she pulled tighter on the brunette's lower back, making their hips flush against each other.

She could feel Cosima's chest rising and falling against her own. She thought about how nice this was, closing her eyes, letting all her anxiety fall away. She thought of Jen briefly and how she used to do sweet things like this for her. She could feel her eyes start to water, but she wasn't sure if the tears were from sadness or happiness. Maybe a little bit of both, she thought.

Cosima brought her hand up to Delphine's necklace, moving her finger over the cool metal charm. "You always wear this necklace. It's beautiful."

"It was my mother's," Delphine explained. "She died when I was 22."

"Oh," Cosima said as she picked her head up, moving her hand to Delphine's cheek, wiping away a stray tear she found there. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, it was a long time ago, but I still think of her every day," Delphine replied, "This necklace sat in my jewelry box for years and years and one day, Jen had it fixed for me. I've been wearing it ever since."

"That's beautiful," Cosima remarked, "Jen sounds like she was so sweet."

"She was," Delphine whispered.

"What was she like?" Cosima inquired as she tugged on Delphine's neck, squeezing the back of it gently with her fingers.

"You really want to know?" Delphine responded.

Cosima nodded.

"Well, she was very kind, very caring. She was an English teacher, taught high school kids, and those kids were her life. She loved them and they loved her. She was always everyone's favorite teacher," Delphine explained, her tears flowing more freely now. "She was such a good person. So good to me, always."

Cosima looked up at Delphine with an understanding look in her eyes. "She sounds wonderful. You must've loved her so much. So well."

Delphine nodded through her tears, unable to speak.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you so upset," Cosima stated.

"No, no, I'm happy to talk about her, I really am," Delphine replied, "It helps keep her memories alive. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be a blubbering mess."

Cosima giggled. "I don't mind," she soothed.

"Tell me about Elise," Delphine instructed.

Cosima smiled. "She was an artist. I met her through Felix. They had been friends since they were young. She was insanely brilliant, so creative. She looked at the world in an interesting way, so different from anyone else. She had a hard life too, but she dealt with it through her work. And we fell in love...moved in together, had our rough patches, but all in all, it was wonderful. We balanced each other." She pressed her forehead into Delphine's neck, still rocking them to the music. "It does feel good to talk about it, thank you," she whispered.

Delphine nodded and rested her cheek on Cosima's head. "Cosima, I am so tired. I think I need to go to sleep."

Cosima backed up, letting her arms drift over Delphine's shoulders as she moved away. "Oh yeah, I should probably go home."

"Will you stay with me?" Delphine asked, "Just sleep...of course."

Cosima grinned up at Delphine, taking her hands in hers. "Yeah, ok."

Delphine led Cosima to the bedroom, opening the drawers and taking out a t-shirt and shorts. "Is this ok?" she asked, holding up the clothing. "You can find a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet that you can use."

Cosima nodded, grabbing the clothes from Delphine before heading into the bathroom to change. Delphine changed her own clothing, removing her shirt and bra and putting on a tank top, taking off her pants to sleep in her boxers. She wasn't embarrassed in front of Cosima. She was completely comfortable. She sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Cosima to come out so she could brush her teeth.

Cosima came out of the bathroom wearing Delphine's shirt, which was clearly too large for her. Delphine chuckled, "I'm sorry, that's one of my smaller shirts."

"That's ok, it's so comfy," Cosima noted, smirking. She climbed onto the bed as Delphine went into the bathroom.

When she came out, she saw that Cosima had gotten under the covers and was laying on her side. Delphine got into the bed, facing her.

They stared at each other, smiling, for a moment until Delphine broke the silence. "Cosima," she paused before continuing, "I'd really like to hold you. Would that be ok?"

"Yes," she whispered immediately.

Delphine moved closer, looping one of her arms under Cosima's neck, the other draping over her side. She brought Cosima's torso toward her until they touched, her head buried in Delphine's chest.

Delphine took a sharp breath as she felt their bodies close, closer than they had been before, their hips pressing against each other's, her leg seeking entrance between Cosima's legs. She felt the weight of Cosima's top leg as it moved to rest on hers, their feet brushing.

It had been so long since she had been this close to someone. She could feel Cosima's heart beating through her chest as she inhaled slowly, deeply. Cosima smelled like sandalwood, with hints of pine. It was comforting in the best way.

She ran her hand up and down Cosima's back, over her t-shirt, until she felt the smaller woman's breathing slow, knowing she had fallen asleep. Delphine closed her eyes, and quickly slipped to sleep with happier thoughts than she had let into her mind in a long time.


	12. Chapter 12

" _We're so sorry for your loss."_

 _Delphine looked up at her father's coworker. She couldn't remember her name._

" _Thank you," was all she could say. She didn't cry. She couldn't cry at the funeral. Not in front of all these people._

 _She sat, staring at the flowers. There were so many flowers. Her mother hadn't even liked flowers. She felt as though she were in a daze, in a dream, that none of this was real._

 _She was about to start her master's program, and she thought her mother would be there. This was just the beginning of her life. The beginning of hers, and the end of someone else's. She didn't know what her father would do. He was so broken up, he could barely speak to her. It had happened so quickly, he barely got to say goodbye. Cancer. Advanced. Untreatable._

 _She felt bad having to go back to the states. She would stay a few weeks, make sure he was settled, but she needed to start school in the fall. She needed to push forward. It's what her mother would've wanted._

" _Delphine," she heard her father say as she looked up._

" _Papa," she responded. She wanted something, needed to feel a connection. He had been so distant since her mother had gotten sick._

 _He sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug. "Je t'aime," he whispered. He pulled back, reaching into the front pocket of his suit, pulling out a small heart shaped locket. "Your mother wanted you to have this. It was given to her by her mother when she was very young and she's kept it all these years. It was very important to her."_

 _Delphine's grandmother had passed away when her mother was a child. She looked at her father and nodded, taking the charm in her hands. She looked down at it. There was a piece missing off the back and it had no chain. She put it safely in her own pocket and gave her father another tight hug._

Delphine's eyes fluttered open as they adjusted to the sunlight pouring into her bedroom. There was always that one moment of stillness in the morning, before her memories flooded back, before she remembered everything. However, this morning was different. She remembered Cosima. She was there, lying next to her.

Delphine smiled, rolling toward her. Cosima was on her stomach, her arms over her head, under the pillow. She looked calm, peaceful, beautiful. Delphine felt a flutter in her chest. She noticed Cosima's face, without her glasses, looking so innocent. Delphine wanted to reach out and hold her, but she didn't want to wake her. She wanted to give Cosima as much peace as possible.

She got up, heading into the kitchen to brew some coffee and make breakfast. She felt lighter, like some part of the weight had been lifted from her chest. She hummed to herself while she cooked, catching herself doing it after a moment, and thinking about how she used to sing to herself all the time. But she hadn't done it for years. She shook her head, grinning.

She poured herself a cup of coffee, taking a second to breath in the aroma from the cup. She had learned to focus on the little things, spending so much time alone, she had begun to notice the simple pleasures.

She saw Cosima out of the corner of her eye, sauntering into the kitchen. She smiled immediately and watched Cosima's eyes light up when she saw her.

"Good morning," Delphine spoke, "Did you sleep ok?"

"Yes," Cosima answered, "My god, I think that was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. Your bed is super comfy."

Delphine giggled. "Good. You want an omelette?"

"And you're making me breakfast? Gosh, you're gonna make me…" she paused and giggled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Hmm?"

She laughed again. "Nothing. Did you have fun last night? With my friends, I mean?"

"Oh, yes, they're very sweet. I like them a lot. Especially Sarah. She was kind to me and she seems to love you," Delphine responded.

"Yeah, Sarah's great. They're all great. I'm very lucky," Cosima remarked.

"Coffee?" Delphine asked.

"Yes, please," Cosima answered as Delphine handed her a freshly poured cup.

Delphine set to work, making a couple of omelettes while Cosima sat at the table, reading a magazine. Delphine chuckled at how normal this all seemed. It felt nice.

She set out the food and Cosima dug in immediately. "Mmm, thank you," she said, "So good."

Delphine smiled. "You're welcome. I like cooking for you."

Cosima grinned up at the blonde. "Did I like, pass out on you last night? I don't even really remember falling asleep. I was exhausted."

Delphine chuckled, taking a bite of her eggs. "It's fine. You were...adorable."

Cosima blushed as she sipped her coffee. "I had a really good time with you last night," Cosima stated in almost a whisper. "Especially when we were dancing. That felt really good."

"Yeah, it did," Delphine replied.

"Thank you for listening about Elise. I feel like you are the only person who understands so completely and it's nice," Cosima admitted.

"I know exactly what you mean," Delphine responded, grabbing Cosima's hand across the table.

Delphine saw Cosima close her eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.

"You ok?" Delphine asked.

Cosima opened her eyes again. "Yes," she smiled. "Just taking in this feeling."

Delphine raised her eyebrow.

"I'm not used to feeling this good," Cosima confessed. "So I need to remember what it feels like."

"Again, I know what you mean," Delphine agreed.

"Hey, so, I promised Scott I would come over and help him with this project he's working on, so I hate to cut this short, but I have to get going," Cosima stated.

Delphine felt a tinge of disappointment, unexpectedly. "Ok, no problem."

Delphine cleaned up as Cosima got changed back into her clothes from the previous night.

Before she left, she walked over to Delphine, pulling her into a hug. Delphine wrapped her arms around the small frame tightly as Cosima said, "Thank you."

"I'll see you at work tomorrow," Delphine called out as Cosima exited the apartment.

Delphine sat down in the kitchen chair for a moment. She couldn't believe these feelings she was having. These feelings were strong. They were deep. And she was proud of herself for allowing herself to feel them.


	13. Chapter 13

"So when do we get to meet her, Scotty?" Cosima asked, plopping down on the stool next to Scott, who was peering into his microscope.

It was Thursday and they had all been working long hours, trying to finish their work before the week was out.

Scott chuckled, "I don't know. Maybe we should go on a double date."

Cosima grinned, looking over to Delphine. "Double date?"

Delphine looked back. "Dating? Is that what we're doing?" she teased.

"Oh, uh, yeah? I mean, if you want to...totally up to you," Cosima stammered.

Delphine walked over to place her hand on the back of Cosima's neck, squeezing it gently. "I'm teasing you," she whispered before looking at Scott and stating, "I would love to. What about tomorrow night? Dinner after work?"

"Yeah ok, let me check with Denise," he answered, before turning to Cosima. "You can't embarrass me though."

Cosima had a fake look of surprise on her face, "When do I ever embarrass you? I take offense to that," she noted, sarcastically.

Scott rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll keep her in check," Delphine told Scott.

"Is that right?" Cosima asked.

"Mmhmm," Delphine nodded, grinning and going back to her work.

Cosima sighed, unable to suppress the smile plastered on her face.

They met up after work at an Italian restaurant not too far from Delphine's apartment. As Delphine arrived, she saw Scott standing with his date, waiting outside.

"Hey, Delphine," he greeted, "This is Denise."

She held her hand out. "Enchantée," she said, "I've heard so much about you. Only good things, of course."

Denise smiled, "Nice to finally meet you. Scott doesn't shut up about you and Cosima."

"Oh really?" Delphine asked.

"He loves the two of you," Denise replied.

Scott blushed and chuckled nervously. "Where is Cosima?"

As soon as he said it, Delphine turned to see Cosima approaching. In that moment, Delphine felt something unexpected. She found her breath quicken, her heart beat a little bit faster, and she felt her nerves rush through her entire body. Cosima looked gorgeous and her body was telling her something it hadn't in a long time.

"Hey!" Cosima called out. She immediately put her arm around Delphine's waist, reaching her other hand out to greet Denise. "Hi, I'm Cosima."

"Shall we go inside?" Scott asked.

They agreed and walked in, getting a table and ordering some wine.

Scott and Cosima talked, exchanging stories, telling Delphine and Denise tales from when they were at school. They laughed as they reminisced, and Delphine watched as Cosima's hands flew with fluidity as she spoke. She couldn't keep her eyes off of her.

The meal was delicious, and Delphine noticed how Scott and Denise seemed wonderful for each other. She loved that he was happy. She knew they had only been working together a short time, but he was such a sweet guy, and he deserved it.

They said their goodbyes outside the restaurant as Cosima took Delphine's hand.

"Can I walk you home?" Cosima inquired.

"Of course," Delphine answered.

They strolled hand in hand, taking the few blocks in silence, enjoying each other's presence.

When they arrived at Delphine's building, Cosima pulled Delphine around to face her.

"I had a really great time tonight," she confessed, moving her hand up Delphine's arm, "Did you?"

Delphine nodded, placing her hand lightly on Cosima's hip. "Yes, I feel happier than I have in a long time."

"Me too," Cosima replied. She brought herself closer to the blonde so their bodies were touching gently. Cosima gazed up into Delphine's eyes, looking like she was searching, searching for something.

"Delphine…" she whispered.

"Cosima…"

"I...I want to kiss you so badly right now."

"Then do it."

Cosima brought her hand to Delphine's face. She wrapped her fingers around the back of the taller woman's neck, tugging gently. Delphine's heart was pounding as waves of energy coursed through her body. The moment their lips met, Delphine felt a jolt of electricity slam her senses. Their lips opened only slightly, allowing them to breathe each other in. Cosima tasted like wine, her lips were so soft, and Delphine let out a whimper as she fell into them. She breathed deeply, smelling the wonderful scent that was Cosima. Delphine's hands were on the brunette's hips, pulling her closer, deeper, her small body effortlessly gliding into Delphine's.

Delphine did not know when she had last kissed someone like that. She hadn't kissed anyone besides Jen in over ten years. As she let herself be overcome by the feeling, she suddenly felt the guilt creep back in. Was she being selfish? After all this time, she was still having a hard time letting go, letting herself be happy. She tried to push the thoughts aside, but felt a pang in the pit of her stomach.

She pulled back, looking at Cosima, her arms still around the woman's waist.

Cosima had tears in her eyes. She swallowed, gazing at Delphine. "Was that ok?" she choked.

"Yes, I just...I—"

"It was too much, too fast, wasn't it. I'm sorry...I got carried away," Cosima stumbled.

Delphine looked at Cosima with panic in her eyes. She didn't want Cosima to think she had make a mistake. "No, no, I wanted you to. It's just...I'm feeling a lot of things right now," she admitted quietly.

"I know," Cosima mumbled, looking down at the ground.

"Cosima...that made me feel really good," she confessed, "You make me feel really good."

Cosima grinned, looking back up. "You make me feel wonderful," she whispered.

"I'm just still feeling that guilt, you know? I can't help but feel like I'm being a little bit selfish."

"Delphine, it's ok to be selfish sometimes. You've spent years caring for someone else, looking after someone else. Don't you deserve to think of yourself for once?" Cosima asked.

"I suppose," Delphine answered meekly. She knew Cosima was right, but it was still difficult to admit it to herself.

"Hey, I'm not pressuring you into anything," Cosima assured, "I just want you know that I'm having a blast with you and I'm still here for you, for anything you need."

"I know, thank you," Delphine responded, taking Cosima's hand.

"I'm going to get going, ok?" Cosima said, tenderly.

"Oh," Delphine replied, looking down at Cosima's hand in hers.

"Slow, right? I want you to be comfortable. Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere," Cosima explained, leaning up to give Delphine a soft kiss on the cheek.

Delphine nodded, closing her eyes, not wanting Cosima to leave but also feeling like she should take some time alone.

"I'll talk to you soon. Have a good night." Cosima gave her hand one last squeeze and then she was gone.

Delphine trudged up to her apartment unsure of what she was doing. She was feeling so many things for Cosima. The kiss had been...it had been incredible. But she was scared. Scared of what these feelings really meant.

She got ready for bed, lying down, rubbing the smooth metal of her necklace with her fingers for comfort. She reached her arm out to the cold, empty space beside her. She knew it was silly but she missed Cosima. She missed her presence, her warmth.

She rolled over, hugging a pillow under her arms and fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Delphine woke up early the next morning. She decided she needed some time to think, to reflect. It was a beautiful day outside so she made the decision to go back to the Golden Gate Bridge. She had loved that morning she spent with Cosima there and wanted to get outside to clear her mind.

She arrived at the bridge, watching the many people milling about, walking, biking, smiling, laughing. She couldn't help but grin at the kids playing in the park. She sat down on the same bench she and Cosima had spent time on, looking out onto the bridge in awe. Even though she had already seen it, it was still wondrous, breathtaking.

She sat for a moment, thinking about that day, when she had barely known Cosima. When Cosima had barely known her. She had felt a connection even then, though she hadn't known how deeply she would feel it as time went by.

She looked out at the bridge seeing the people all the way out in the middle. They looked so tiny from the distance. Delphine made a decision at that moment. She needed to face her fears.

She jumped up, walking swiftly toward the bridge. As she got on the walkway, the wind rushed around her, blowing her curls frantically. She moved her head slightly so her hair was blown back from her face. She watched as people rushed past her, couples holding hands, fathers with small children, friends joking. She kept going, determined to make it to the middle.

When she got there, she stopped and turned. She was about two feet from the edge. She slowly put one foot in front of the other. She was shaking, the wind blowing her back, telling her not to move forward. She didn't listen. She pressed on, placing her hands on the railing. She pulled herself forward, her heart beating fast, her body feeling like lead.

Still, she pushed on. She brought her head over the railing, forcing herself to look down. She felt her stomach do a flip but she held herself there. She saw the beauty of the water, felt the rush of the breeze around her. As she gazed down, she felt tears rush to her eyes. She didn't step back. She didn't surrender to the fear. And all of a sudden, she felt free. She felt like she could conquer anything.

Delphine could enjoy the view for the first time. It was incredible. She breathed in the air and allowed the cool feeling to wash over her. She wasn't afraid anymore.

She finally backed away from the edge, smiling. She took a deep breath as she headed back. She felt at peace with herself. She knew she had done it on her own. She knew she was strong.

She no longer felt like she needed Cosima. But she _wanted_ her. She looked up at the sky with this realization before heading back home.

As Delphine traveled back home, she called Cosima.

"Delphine?" she heard on the other end.

"Hi, Cosima," Delphine greeted.

"Hey," Cosima answered with tenderness, "How are you doing today?"

"Great," she replied. "Cosima, do you want to go to the zoo with me?"

"The zoo?" Cosima laughed. "Um, yeah I do."

"Can I come pick you up?"

"Yes."

Delphine drove to Cosima's apartment. She realized she had never been inside of it as she walked up the stairs, tapping on the door when she reached it. Her heart was pounding. She felt excited, like a kid, ready for the first day of school.

Cosima opened the door, flashing a wide grin.

"Hey, you," she said, her happiness radiating off of her like beams of light. "Come in, I'm almost ready."

Delphine stepped into the apartment. There were things everywhere, stacks of paper, books, so many bookshelves filled from top to bottom. The entire place consisted of one room, with a space for the bed in the corner, a kitchen and a small couch. The bathroom was off of the kitchen, and Cosima headed for it saying, "I have to brush my teeth."

Delphine walked into the living room area, running her finger over the books on the shelf. Her hand came upon an old looking book, and her eyes went wide when she saw it. "Is this a first edition, Cosima?" She picked it up, reading the title, _On_ _the Origin of Species_.

"Hmm?" Cosima asked as she came out of the bathroom.

"This book? First edition?"

"Oh yeah, it's my favorite. It's what got me into science in the first place," Cosima explained. "Elise got it for me for our five year anniversary."

"Wow, it's beautiful," Delphine admired.

Cosima smiled, walking over to Delphine. She came up close, placing her hand on Delphine's hip. "I'm ready to go now."

"Wait," Delphine stated.

Cosima looked at her with concerned eyes, her eyebrow furrowed.

"I realized something today," she told Cosima.

"What's that?" Cosima asked, playing with the bottom of Delphine's shirt.

"I realized I really enjoy kissing you." She smiled with her mouth closed, her dimples coming into full focus in front of Cosima.

Cosima's lips crept into a smile. "Well, you know, I can help you with that," she smirked.

"Oh yeah?"

Cosima didn't answer. She brought her lips up to gently graze Delphine's, both of her hands on the blonde's hips, pulling her closer.

Delphine felt the incredible swirl of emotions she had felt last night, only this time, it was stronger, it was more real. She was letting herself get lost. She opened her mouth slightly, letting her tongue graze Cosima's gently. Her arms wrapped around the brunette's frame, and she pulled her tight, her hands on her lower back.

Cosima ended the kiss, pulling back slightly, but Delphine held her in place, moving her forehead to Cosima's, looking into her eyes as their noses touched. They both grinned together before starting to giggle.

"Wow," Cosima whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Just...you...wow," Cosima stated, blushing hard.

Delphine pulled Cosima into her chest, cradling her head, rubbing her back with the other. "You are incredible, ma chérie."

They held each other for a moment before Cosima pulled back, her hands sliding to Delphine's hips. "Um, so, I was promised the zoo," she teased.

Delphine laughed. "Let's go."

"Oh my god, look how close it is!" Cosima squealed, pulling Delphine by the hand toward the giant giraffe standing just behind the fence.

Delphine looked at the animal for a moment, bringing her gaze to the adorable woman next to her. Cosima's eyes were wide, her mouth agape. She had a sense of wonder on her face. Delphine imagined that Cosima must've been such a curious child.

"It's beautiful," Cosima stated.

"Yes, you know giraffes are the tallest of all the land mammals," Delphine spouted, "And they have purple tongues."

"Are you a giraffe expert too?" Cosima joked.

Delphine grabbed Cosima's sides, tickling her as the smaller girl giggled.

Cosima curled her arm around Delphine's waist. "Come on, I want to see the otters."

"The otters?"

"Yeah, they're so cute!"

Delphine followed Cosima as they entered the building where the otters would be.

"Look, look, Delphine!" Cosima said excitedly as she pointed toward the two otters floating in the water below. "Aww, they're holding hands."

"They do that so they don't float apart," Delphine pointed out.

"Or maybe it's because they're in loooooove," Cosima teased, giving Delphine's hand a gentle squeeze, catching her eye briefly and blushing.

Delphine bit her lip, feeling her heart skip a beat as Cosima looked at her with those eyes.

Cosima leaned in to kiss Delphine sweetly on the neck. She lingered there and Delphine felt shivers run all the way down to her toes.

"What's next?" Cosima asked suddenly, pulling away.

"Hmm?" Delphine responded, not even realizing that her eyes were closed. She opened them to see Cosima staring and smiling.

"Where to next?"

"Oh, well, we have to see the flamingos of course," Delphine giggled.

"Oh, of course!" Cosima agreed, laughing along with her.

They walked outside for a while, finding the flamingos, and walking past a host of other creatures. They strolled, arms around each other's waists, taking in the view, enjoying each other's presence.

After a while, they both found they were getting tired.

"Delphine," Cosima began, "would you want to come over and have some dinner? We could get take out."

"Ok," Delphine answered. This had been an incredible day, and she didn't want it to end.

"I'm so full," Cosima moaned as she laid back on the couch, grabbing her stomach.

Delphine was up, having put the dishes in the sink, and she was now walking around Cosima's apartment, admiring all the little things she found on the shelves. She came across a picture of Cosima and a woman with short blonde hair.

"Is this her?" she asked Cosima.

Cosima nodded.

"She was beautiful," Delphine stated.

"Yes, she was," Cosima said through a half smile. "Come over here?"

Delphine watched as Cosima opened her arms. She obliged, walking over to the couch. "Here, get up for a second," she told Cosima. She did, and Delphine sat against the armrest at the end of the sofa, beckoning for Cosima to sit in between her legs and lean back into her. As she felt Cosima's warmth, she wrapped her arms around her small frame, dropping her head down to kiss Cosima just under the ear.

She felt Cosima's body relax into hers, her dreadlocked head resting against Delphine's shoulder. She found the weight of her body comforting against her and she closed her eyes, her cheek brushing up against the brunette's head.

She felt Cosima sigh. "Delphine?"

"Hmm?"

"I…" Cosima whispered, before bringing Delphine's hand to her lips and letting them linger as she kissed gently. "I…" she mumbled something into the blonde's hand.

"What?"

"Nothing. I…I'm just really really happy."

"Really really?" Delphine teased.

"Shush," Cosima grinned.

They sat for a moment more, Delphine stroking Cosima's arm lovingly with her finger, her eyes closed. She felt more relaxed than she had in years and she slowly felt herself drifting, her eyelids heavy. It had been a long day in the sun and it was catching up to her.

Cosima could feel the weight of Delphine's head. She whispered, "Hey, you should go to bed. You're falling asleep. Are you ok staying here with me tonight?"

Delphine let out a groan, nodding.

"Come on, cutie," Cosima giggled, lifting herself up to lead Delphine into the bedroom.

She helped her remove her pants and slide into bed. Delphine grabbed Cosima's arm gently as she started walking away. "Don't leave," she pleaded.

Cosima smiled. "I'm not, silly. I'm just going to the bathroom."

Delphine rolled over onto her side as she heard Cosima close the bathroom door. The next thing she knew, she felt Cosima's arms around her, spooning her from behind, the touch startling her slightly in her half dozed state. As soon as she felt Cosima pull her tightly, her body relaxed again and she let the warmth seep into her skin. She felt Cosima lay a gentle kiss on the back of her neck.

Delphine was about to fall asleep again when she heard Cosima whisper into her skin, "Delphine…"

She was too tired to answer, so she lay silent, drifting...drifting…

"I love you."

Delphine's eyes shot open. She felt a burst of energy as she rolled over to face Cosima.

Cosima looked at her with a shocked face. "Oh, my god, Delphine, I thought you were asleep."

"Cosima, I—"

"Shh," Cosima whispered, bringing her hand to Delphine's face. "You don't have to say anything...I just...I couldn't hold it in anymore." She stroked Delphine's cheek with her thumb over and over, soothing her back to her dreamlike state.

"Cos…" Delphine tried to say, but she was too tired. She let her body relax again as sleep overtook her.


	15. Chapter 15

Delphine woke up the next morning to the familiar sight of Cosima lying on her stomach next to her. She grinned as she remembered the previous day. _Cosima loved her._

I was a lot to take in. She felt strongly for the brunette, that much she knew.

 _Love._ Of course, that's what it was. She loved this woman with all her heart. She just wasn't able to say it yet. She had felt it the moment she looked over that bridge and stared down into the water. Love felt the same as that moment had. Terrifying, yet freeing. She hadn't wanted to let herself fall if Cosima didn't feel the same way.

It was all so crazy, she thought to herself. How could this be? How could they have found each other, understanding one another so completely? And now, how could they be in love? It was like a dream she didn't quite believe was real.

Never in a million years did she think she would fall in love again. She thought she would be alone forever, unable to think about loving someone else after Jen.

But Cosima understood. Cosima, who would be there for her no matter what. Cosima, who was one of the sweetest, kindest people she had ever met. Cosima, who loved her.

Delphine leaned over to give Cosima a gentle kiss on the cheek. As she pulled away, she felt a hand on her side. Cosima groaned, trying to pull her back toward her. Delphine grinned and obliged, wrapping her arm around the smaller woman's back, gripping her hip and placing her face right next to Cosima's.

Cosima's eyes opened halfway and she smiled when she saw how close Delphine was. "Hi," she murmured before burying her face into the pillow.

Delphine got closer, capturing the soft skin of Cosima's neck in her lips. Cosima moaned, opening herself up to Delphine and moving in to hold her so the front of their bodies were pressed against each other. She buried her face in Delphine's neck, inhaling deeply.

"I love the way you smell," she whispered.

Delphine giggled, pushing her hands into Cosima's back more tightly. "I love the way you feel in my arms," Delphine replied.

Delphine felt Cosima grin into her skin. After a moment, she pulled back.

"Hey, so, I have this family brunch thing today. It's mostly my friends, but my parents host it. It has kind of become a tradition at my parent's house. We do it every couple months. No pressure, but would you want to come?" Cosima asked. "You'd meet my parents, obvs."

Delphine didn't even have to think about it. "Of course, I would love to come."

"Yeah?" Cosima showed her toothy grin.

Delphine nodded. "I'd love to meet your parents, see where your adorableness comes from."

"Adorableness? Is that even a word?" Cosima teased.

Delphine shrugged, laughing. "I should go home and shower and change though."

"Ok, I'll pick you up at 1?" Cosima inquired.

"Sounds good," Delphine answered, leaning in to give Cosima a quick kiss on the lips.

She gathered her things, slipping on her pants, and was out the door, grinning, feeling like she was on top of the world.

Delphine fidgeted nervously with her fingers as Cosima drove to her parent's house.

Cosima reached her hand over to rub the back of Delphine's neck. "They are going to adore you," she said, lovingly.

"Oh, I'm not worried," Delphine lied.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Cosima asked. "Terrible liar."

Delphine giggled. "Ok, maybe just a little nervous."

They arrived at the house to see Felix, Helena, and Sarah standing out front. As soon as they got out of the car, two people who could only be Cosima's parents came out of the house to greet them.

"Cosima!" the woman called out, bringing her in for a hug. Delphine could see she was as full of life as Cosima always was.

"Mom, Dad, this Delphine," Cosima introduced.

"Good to meet you, Delphine," the bearded man stated, "Bill Niehaus." He reached out his hand to take hers firmly.

Cosima's mother pulled her into a tight hug immediately. "Oh, Delphine, it is so wonderful to have you here," she squealed. "Patricia, but everyone calls me Pat."

"Thank you for having me," Delphine replied, politely.

"Come on, everybody! I hope you brought your appetites!" Pat shouted, waving them inside.

Delphine caught Cosima's eye as the brunette took her hand, giving it a squeeze. "See? Nothing to worry about," she whispered, before giving Delphine a peck on the cheek. Delphine smiled and followed her inside.

They walked through the house as Pat led them to the back porch. Scott was already sitting, drinks in hand, along with Alison and Donnie. They said their hellos as Bill brought out some drinks for all of them.

"Cheers, everyone," he declared, "Here's to family. Let's welcome Delphine. It's her first family brunch, and hopefully it won't be her last. As long as we don't scare her away."

Everyone chuckled and raised their glasses.

Bill turned to Delphine. "It's a tradition for any new people to make a speech," he told her.

Delphine felt her anxiety shoot up in her throat.

"Dad, stop, leave her alone," Cosima jumped in before looking at Delphine, "He's totally playing with you."

Delphine took a deep breath, "Oh," she sighed.

"See, like father like daughter, always teasing," Cosima explained, placing her hand on the small of Delphine's back, rubbing gently.

Delphine smiled at the contact, announcing to everyone, "Well, no speech, but I just want to say thank you all for being so welcoming. It's very clear how much you all care for each other."

"Hear, hear, Delphine," Bill called out. "Now who's hungry?" He walked back inside, coming back out a moment later with Pat, both of them holding trays of food.

"Yes, Pat's famous lasagna!" Helena exclaimed.

They all dug in, sitting around, laughing, as Bill told stories about Cosima as a child. Delphine giggled as he told her about the time she almost burned the house down with her volcano science fair project.

"I was only seven!" Cosima whined.

"We forgave you. You were too cute to be mad at," Bill admitted, "Besides, we knew you were super smart and wanted to encourage your geeky science side."

"Side?" Delphine asked, jokingly, "I'd say she's pretty much _all_ science geek."

Cosima lightly smacked Delphine's arm. "Hilarious," she giggled, "You get funnier every day." Cosima gave her a wink, and Delphine felt a rush of heat climb inside her.

As the day wore on, Delphine sat close to Cosima, and Cosima was always touching her. She felt special, she felt wanted, she felt loved.

"Hey, I'll be right back," Cosima told her. She leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek as she got up to head inside for a moment.

Delphine nodded and looked around the porch. Everyone else seemed to be deep in conversation. She saw Sarah come up to her, tapping her on the arm. "Hey, how's it going?" she asked.

"Oh, very well, this is wonderful," Delphine replied.

Sarah smiled at her. "Thank you," she said.

Delphine looked at her, confused. "For what?"

Sarah sighed before answering. "I've known Cosima a long time. I knew her before...before Elise. I've seen her go through a lot. Too much, for such a sweet person. She's been in a bad place for years. She was just starting to come out of it, and then she met you." Sarah looked at Delphine sincerely. "I think she met you at the right time. I can see in your eyes how much you care for her. And damn, she sure is into you." She giggled, before getting serious again. "So thank you. She deserves that, and I'm so happy that she has it. And don't ever tell her I was this nice. It'll ruin my reputation."

Delphine felt so in love with Cosima at that moment. She knew it was right. She knew she had found someone special, someone who deserved all the love she could give her.

"Thank you, Sarah," Delphine responded, "For saying all that."

"Hey," Delphine heard Cosima shout as she came back outside, "She bothering you?" she joked.

Delphine turned to smile at Cosima. "We were just chatting."

"Cos, I gotta head out," Sarah stated.

"Ok, yeah, we should get going too," Cosima answered.

Everyone started leaving, saying their goodbyes. Delphine thanked the Niehauses again, and got in the car with Cosima.

Cosima drove as Delphine gazed at her, placing her hand on her knee. She made a turn that Delphine did not recognize. "Where are we going, ma chérie?"

"You'll see," she smirked.

She pulled up and stopped the car. They were on an overlook and Delphine saw that she could see the entire city from where they were.

"Come on," Cosima told her.

Delphine got out of the car, walking to the railing. It was dusk and the sky was a beautiful mix of purples and pinks, yellows and blues. It was breathtaking. She felt Cosima's arms snake around her waist to rest her hands on her stomach. Cosima's lips fell on the back of Delphine's shoulder and she kissed lightly.

"This is one of my favorite spots," Cosima whispered.

"It's absolutely gorgeous," Delphine gasped. Her focus was on Cosima's warm breath on her skin, her dreads gently tickling her shoulder blades, her hips pressed into her back.

She turned within Cosima's embrace to face her, taking her head in her hands, pulling her in for a sweet kiss. Delphine let her lips linger as she felt Cosima's hands tug her hips closer.

She kept her eyes closed, releasing Cosima's lips, speaking so close, she grazed them when forming her words. "Cosima," she whispered, "I love you."

Though her eyes were closed, their lips were so close, she could feel Cosima's grin as it crept over her mouth, and she felt her glasses move slightly against her face from the upward movement of her cheeks. She felt Cosima's hands squeeze tightly around her hips and she felt a strong jolt course through her body.

"Will you come home with me?" Delphine asked.

"Yes," Cosima answered.

They arrived at Delphine's apartment and immediately, their lips were together again.

Delphine couldn't believe how much tenderness was conveyed through Cosima's touch. The way her hands caressed her face gently as they kissed, the way her hips moved to her, like she was holding her up, giving her a place to land if she were to fall. Her lips were giving Delphine feelings she never thought she'd feel again.

Cosima's hands found their way underneath the back of Delphine's shirt and she gasped when she felt the warm touch. Her hands snaked around to feel her stomach and she shuddered.

"Cosima..." she whimpered.

"I want to take care of you, baby," Cosima whispered, "Relax."

Delphine felt a rush through her body at Cosima's term of endearment. "Cosima, it's been so—"

"I know," she answered, bringing her fingers to Delphine's face, looking deep into her eyes. "I know. You don't have to say it. I understand. Will you tell me if you want me to stop?"

"Yes," Delphine replied.

Cosima removed her shirt, standing there in front of Delphine in her bra. She picked up Delphine's hand and placed her palm gently onto her chest, right above her heart.

"You feel this?"

Delphine nodded.

"It's for you," Cosima told her.

Delphine gazed into Cosima's eyes, seeing nothing but pure love there. She brought her hand to Cosima's face, running her thumb across her cheek, then down her jawline, her neck, her collarbone, exploring her skin. Cosima stared up at her the whole time.

Cosima then took both of Delphine's wrists, bringing the blonde's hands to lay flat on her stomach. Delphine let the pads of her fingers trace simple patterns on Cosima's ab muscles as the smaller woman twitched at the contact.

Cosima brought her mouth to Delphine's shoulder, kissing the skin she found there. Delphine removed her tank top to allow Cosima better access, and she moved her lips to the French woman's collarbone, then down to lay sweet kisses on her chest.

Delphine found the tenderness almost unbearable, as she felt tears flowing to her eyes. She closed them as to not let the drops fall.

Cosima looked up at her. "You ok?"

"Yes," Delphine answered with her eyes still closed.

Cosima brought her mouth to Delphine's neck, kissing just underneath her ear, whispering, "I love you."

Delphine smiled, opening her eyes. She took Cosima's face in her hands, pulling her toward her so their lips could meet once again. Her entire body felt like it could melt into Cosima, that she was becoming a part of her, that they would forever be intertwined after tonight.

Cosima reached around her back to unhook her bra, letting it fall to the ground. Delphine did the same. She let her hands run up Cosima's side, feeling the skin of her completely bare torso.

"You are so beautiful," Delphine cooed.

Cosima grinned, wrapping her arms around Delphine's back and bringing them closer so their bodies could press into one another.

Delphine let out a shaky breath when she felt them touch, revelling in the wonderful shivers it was giving her.

Cosima leaned in, kissing her neck just under her jawline. "Can I take you to bed?" she asked, sweetly.

"Yes," Delphine replied, taking Cosima's hand and leading her into the bedroom. Delphine was nervous, more nervous than she had been the whole time they were seeing each other. She removed her pants before sitting down on the bed. Cosima removed her own and sat next to her, taking Delphine's hands in hers and kissing them gently.

Cosima looked at her with concern. "You're shaking," she whispered, trying to still the hands she was holding.

Delphine looked away as she felt her tears returning.

"Delphine?" Cosima asked, "Hey, talk to me?"

"I'm sorry...I'm just…I didn't expect to react this way," Delphine choked, "I'm so nervous."

"It's ok," Cosima soothed, stroking Delphine's blonde curls. "We can stop if you want."

"It's not what I want," Delphine answered.

Cosima smiled. "You know, you're not the only one who hasn't done this in a while."

"Are you ok?" Delphine asked.

"Yes. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then I want you to relax and let me take care of you."

Cosima laid Delphine back on the bed, climbing on top of her. She allowed her body to put its weight onto Delphine's, and brought her lips to the blonde's mouth, kissing gently at first, but getting more greedy as she felt Delphine respond to her.

One of Cosima's legs slipped in between Delphine's and she moved her hips ever so slightly, kissing, running her fingers through Delphine's hair, holding her, making her feel wanted and safe.

Delphine felt the desire running through her, the desire that she hadn't felt in years. For all that time, she had felt empty. Something huge had been missing deep in the pit of her soul. Cosima was piecing that back together, slowly, bit by bit, bringing her back to the whole person she used to be.

Her breath began to quicken as she felt Cosima's leg press into her, where she hadn't had any feeling in years. She grabbed Cosima's hand, bringing it to her breast, giving her permission, telling her to let her feel again. She moaned as Cosima grazed her nipple, feeling the pulse all the way down.

Cosima took her time, kissing Delphine between her breasts, then down her stomach and on her ribs, until she could feel Delphine's hips want something more. She looked up at Delphine for approval before moving her hand down. Cosima's eyes were full of love and lust, and Delphine looked into them the whole time.

Delphine gasped as Cosima entered her, closing her eyes for a moment, feeling the fullness she had missed for so long. When she opened her eyes, Cosima was right there, right above her, telling her with her eyes that it was ok, that she would take care of her. She kissed her sweetly, Delphine grasping at Cosima's back, feeling her skin as she made Delphine whole.

Delphine could feel herself losing control, but she relaxed into it, allowing the pleasure to wash over her. She knew she was safe in Cosima's arms and she wanted to let go, surrender to this woman she had fallen in love with.

Cosima never stopped looking at her as she touched her, picking up her rhythm as she heard the blonde's moans get more frantic. She knew what Delphine needed and she was going to give it to her, she wanted to give it all to her, every piece of her soul. She wanted Delphine to know how much she loved her.

Delphine scratched at Cosima's back, arching her hips, groaning as she felt her release approaching. She looked deep into Cosima's eyes and she swore she could see stars in them. She shattered into Cosima's hand, shaking, trembling, gasping, and Cosima was right there, holding her tightly.

Her tears began to fall immediately and Cosima grabbed her, pulling her over on top of her so her head could rest on the brunette's chest and she could wrap her arms around the taller woman.

All of Delphine's tension was gone from her body, and she couldn't help but let her emotions fall through her tears. She cried into Cosima's skin and she never stopped holding her until her breathing slowed and she was quiet.

Cosima rubbed her back gently, whispering, "I love you, baby."

Delphine looked up at her through tear soaked eyes. "I love you," she choked, bringing her hand to Cosima's cheek. She was overwhelmed by this feeling, this feeling of safety, this immense feeling of peace. It was like the fear inside of her that had kept a hold on her, feeding her emotions for years, had gone. The space it had occupied was now filled with something else. It was filled with Cosima.

Delphine had no energy left. The day had drained her. She tried to speak, not really knowing what words she could say at that moment to express herself.

Cosima comforted her with her soft hands, whispering, "Just relax...sleep now...I've got you. You're safe."

Delphine's eyes closed as she exhaled deeply, her hand resting gently on Cosima's stomach. She felt Cosima give her one more tight hug before she drifted off to have the most restful night she had in years.

Delphine awoke to the feeling of light kisses on her back. Cosima was cuddled up against her, her hand gently resting on her side. Delphine exhaled, pulling Cosima's hand over her stomach and pressing it there as Cosima moved in tighter.

"Mmm," Delphine moaned.

"Sorry," Cosima whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you up. You just looked so cute, I couldn't keep myself from kissing you." She giggled into Delphine's shoulder blade.

"Oh, you couldn't, could you?" Delphine teased, sleepily.

"No, you're irresistible, babe," Cosima replied. "Also, we have to go to work today."

Delphine groaned and turned over to face Cosima, wrapping her arm around the brunette's naked torso. "How did you sleep?"

"Ugh, wonderful," Cosima answered. "I love sleeping next to you." She smiled, bringing her hand to Delphine's face. "Delphine, last night was amazing."

Delphine grinned. " _You_ are amazing." She looked down at her hands, getting quiet. "I'm sorry I was so emotional. I was just...I haven't felt like that..."

"Please Delphine, don't apologize, my god, it was amazing, really...I felt so close to you. It was so raw, emotionally. I just want you to be ok. Are you ok?" Cosima asked.

"Yes," Delphine answered, "Thank you for being the sweetest." She pulled Cosima in tight, kissing her cheek. "How about I make you breakfast?"

"Well, I'll never say no to that," Cosima responded.

Delphine giggled, getting up and throwing on her t-shirt that was lying on the floor. "Pancakes?"

"Mmm, yeah," Cosima exclaimed. She got up, pulling on a shirt of Delphine's that she found on the chair next to bed. She walked over to Delphine, putting her arms around her waist and gazing up at her. "Gosh, if I wasn't already in love with you, I'd fall in love right now."

"Because of pancakes?"

"Yep, I fucking love pancakes."

Delphine laughed, grabbing Cosima's hand and dragging her toward the kitchen while she giggled at her own joke.

Delphine made breakfast quickly. It was a good thing Cosima had woken them up early. They needed to be at work in an hour and a half.

They wolfed down their breakfast. Unfortunately, it would not be a slow, leisurely morning.

"Shit, I have no clothes here. I have to run home," Cosima giggled. "I feel like a teenager again. Gosh, Dr. Cormier, you're making me so irresponsible."

"Oh yeah, your parents are totally going to ground you for staying out all night," Delphine teased.

Cosima chuckled, "Ok, I have to go. But I'll see you soon."

She gave Delphine a sweet kiss on the lips and she was out the door.

Delphine could not wipe the grin off of her face.


	16. Chapter 16

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" Cosima asked.

It was the end of another long week and they were getting ready to leave for the day. Delphine couldn't believe her birthday was coming up in a couple weeks. She and Cosima had spent the last few weeks living in bliss, spending almost every night together. She never thought she'd be turning 40 and be this happy.

"Oh, I don't know, just spend it with you," Delphine answered.

"Aww, come on," Cosima replied, "It's the big four-O! We need to celebrate."

Delphine chuckled. "Yeah, I guess."

Cosima got up from her chair and walked over to the blonde, putting her hands around her waist. "I'll plan a nice dinner. We'll all go out. How's that?"

Delphine nodded. "Ok."

"Ok," Cosima responded. She leaned in to the taller woman's ear. "Now let's go home so I can get naked. You know how I hate clothes. My place or yours?"

Delphine giggled. "Mine?"

"Ok, I don't care," Cosima answered, "I just want to be with you. Always."

"Look at you, I didn't know you were such a romantic," Delphine teased.

"No? Really? I guess I have to do a better job then." Cosima wrapped her hand gently behind Delphine's neck, locking her fingers into her blonde curls. She moved agonizingly slowly toward her girlfriend, letting her lips graze Delphine's before allowing the kiss to happen fully, her tongue teasing at the entrance.

She backed away after a moment. "Ok, now you're just turning me on," Delphine joked.

Cosima giggled. "Ooooooops," she squealed as she walked away from Delphine to gather her things.

"Brat."

Cosima flashed her toothy grin as she took Delphine's hand. "Come on, baby, let's go home and I'll take care of that," she whispered.

Delphine smirked and followed her out.

40\. She was facing the end of another decade of her life and again, she didn't know where the time had gone. Her thirties had been filled with such highs and lows; her life had gotten ever more complicated, more than she could've ever imagined.

She thought about where she was 10 years earlier, how she had met Jen on the very day she turned 30. How they had hit it off at her party, how Jen had asked her out, how she had been so sweet and sexy, and how Delphine had fallen hard for her in a matter of months.

She thought about all the good times, because she no longer was afraid to think about them. She had Cosima, and Cosima understood. She could talk to her about anything, and she wouldn't get upset, she wouldn't get jealous. She _understood_.

Cosima was set to pick her up any minute. Delphine sat in her apartment, fidgeting, nervous for some reason. It was Saturday night and her birthday technically wasn't until tomorrow, so she had one last night of being in her thirties.

She heard Cosima knock at the door, and she eagerly hopped up, swinging the door open to find her girlfriend holding a bouquet of lilies. Cosima walked in immediately, giving Delphine a sweet kiss on the lips. "Happy Birthday!"

"These are beautiful," Delphine cooed. "My favorite flower."

Cosima smiled. "You think I don't know that? What kind of girlfriend would I be?"

Delphine laughed, walking over to set the flowers in water before they left.

"Come on, I'm excited!" Cosima exclaimed.

"You're so cute," Delphine beamed.

They got in the car and Cosima started driving them to the restaurant.

"Oh crap," Cosima said, "Do you mind if we make a quick pit stop? I was over at my parent's house earlier and I forgot my wallet there. It's not too far out of the way."

"Oh, ok," Delphine answered. She thought it was a little odd, but didn't give it another thought as she stared out the window, humming to herself.

They arrived at the house. "Would you come in for a second? I'm sure my parents would love to wish you a happy birthday." Cosima told her.

"Aren't we going to be late for dinner?"

"It'll just be a moment," Cosima answered.

They got out of the car, walking up to the house. Cosima walked right in without knocking, which Delphine also found strange, but she shrugged and followed her in.

As soon as they were inside, Delphine heard "Surprise!"

She looked up to see everyone staring, beaming at her. "Oh! My god!" she smiled as she realized what had happened. She turned to Cosima, "You sneaky little…"

She couldn't finish the sentence because Cosima was smiling so wide, so pleased with herself.

Delphine sighed. "Thank you, this is very sweet," she said.

"I have one more surprise for you," Cosima stated.

All of a sudden, she saw a familiar form walk out from the kitchen. Delphine blinked a few times, not comprehending who was standing in front of her. She felt tears come to her eyes.

"Papa?"

"Oh, my Delphine," he answered.

Delphine ran toward him, wrapping her arms around him, hugging him as tightly as she could. She was crying now, unable to believe that he was there.

She backed out of the hug, kissing him on each cheek, the tears flowing down her face.

"Oh, Marie," Delphine said as she saw the woman standing next to him. She pulled her in for a hug before taking each of their hands in hers. "Oh, mon dieu, I can't believe you're here."

She turned to Cosima. "How did you...?"

Cosima just beamed, grinning ear to ear. "Surprised?" she teased.

Delphine pulled her in for a quick kiss. "This is amazing, mon amour."

She turned to her father and stepmother, "I would introduce you but it seems you've already met."

"Yes, Cosima has been so kind in helping us get here. And her parents invited us to stay in their guest house, so we'll be here for a couple weeks," Delphine's father told her.

"That is so wonderful," Delphine choked, wiping her tears from her face. She looked around at everyone. They all had giant smiles across their faces. "Thank you everyone, for all of this, for making me feel so welcome in your family. I don't think you could know how much it means to me and how it has helped me."

"We all love you, Delphine," Bill stated, coming over to put his arm around her shoulder. "Now, who's hungry?"

He ushered everyone onto the back porch. It was a beautiful evening, and the sun was just beginning to set over the hills, causing the sky to look like a freshly painted canvas. They sat, drinking and eating, laughing late into the night.

Delphine looked around at her old and new family, their faces bright with smiles as they enjoyed each other's company. She felt an overwhelming feeling of love in that moment. She had come so far. She thought about Jen and hoped she would be happy for her. She glanced over at Cosima, who was deep in discussion with her father. She grinned at that, her heart bursting with the feeling that they had met, and were getting to know each other.

Pat came out of the kitchen holding a giant cake with lit candles in it. The crowd started singing Happy Birthday and Delphine smiled and blushed.

"Make a wish," Sarah called out, and Delphine blew out the candles.

She didn't need to wish for anything. She had more than she could ever ask for, more than she ever dreamed she would get. She had not expected any of this. She never thought her heart would beat so strongly again.

They ate cake as Delphine's father told stories of her as a child, how she was so quiet as a kid, but how anytime she did say something, everyone listened, because it was always something important.

"I'm sure you were such a cute kid," Cosima smiled as she nudged Delphine's arm with her elbow.

"Oh yes, Cosima, you'll have to come to France and I can show you all her baby pictures," Delphine's father replied.

Delphine perked up, looking to see what Cosima's reaction would be to that invitation.

"Oh man, Mr. Cormier, I would love to come to France some day," Cosima beamed.

"Please, call me Alain," he responded, "And we would love to have you."

Cosima looked at Delphine, whose face was brimming with delight. "You gonna take me to France one day, baby?" Cosima teased, putting her tongue in between her teeth.

Delphine nodded, "I would love that."

Cosima squeezed her hand and leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek.

After a while, the party started to break up and Cosima and Delphine were left with their respective parents. Pat and Bill began to clean up while Marie and Alain rushed inside to help them, giving the two women a moment alone.

Delphine turned to Cosima as they sat next to each other on the porch swing. "Cosima," she began, "Thank you. This was an incredible birthday. I still cannot believe you got my family here without me knowing."

Cosima leaned in to rest her head on Delphine's shoulder, playing with their interlaced fingers. "What can I say? I'm sneaky like that," she giggled.

"You are the best," Delphine whispered.

Cosima's head popped up and she grabbed Delphine's face in her hands. "You deserve all of it. You deserve to be happy. I will do anything I can for you."

"How are you so sweet?" Delphine put her hand to Cosima's on her cheek.

"Hmm, I don't know, guess you'd have to ask my parents," Cosima answered, giggling.

Delphine looked into Cosima's sweet eyes. She studied her face, memorizing the curve of her cheek, the line of her lips. She was so in love with this woman. She brought her closer so their foreheads were touching. "Je t'aime," she whispered softly before allowing their lips to meld together in a kiss.

"Home?" Delphine asked.

Cosima nodded.

They said goodbye to their parents, telling them they would call them tomorrow to make plans.

When they arrived at Delphine's apartment, they removed each other's clothes slowly, taking every moment in.

Delphine's hands roamed over Cosima's beautiful curves. Her mouth explored every inch of her skin while Cosima gazed at her. This is what she loved. Cosima was so present when they made love, it made her feel so safe, like she could fall and Cosima would always be there to catch her.

Delphine admired the light muscles on her arms, the pulse she felt beating when she kissed her neck, the way she grasped at Delphine and let out little whimpers when she kissed her hips.

Cosima's body moved to her; it was in tune with her rhythm, and when she pushed inside of her and she moaned, Delphine felt a rush like no other.

Delphine kissed her passionately then, trying to feel as close as possible to this woman whom she loved so completely, so entirely.

Cosima's body responded to her touch and she could feel her let everything go as she surrendered to the ecstasy, gripping Delphine's back, pulling her in tightly to her chest. Delphine felt Cosima jolt underneath her, letting out one last long groan, and Delphine swore she could feel the tension in every muscle, followed by the sweet relaxation of her lover's body.

She held her for a moment until she felt Cosima flip her over, hovering on top with a hungry look in her eyes.

Cosima knew exactly what to do. She had learned Delphine's body; she knew how to coax out the delicious moans she wanted to hear.

Delphine was quickly pulled under by the overwhelming sensations coursing through her, and she allowed Cosima to have her, to take her. Cosima always knew how to make it last as long as possible, to tease her in just the right way until her body was screaming for release. Her hands were in total control. Delphine panted and moaned as she felt herself come apart under Cosima, and the brunette held her tightly as she rode it out.

Delphine closed her eyes as she relaxed while Cosima laid gentle kisses on her chest, letting her weight rest fully on top of Delphine.

Delphine stroked Cosima's back lovingly as she felt Cosima's breath slow on her chest.

"Hey," Cosima whispered after a moment, "It's midnight. Happy Birthday."

"Mmm," Delphine moaned. "Wonderful birthday…"

Cosima lifted her head, smiling at Delphine. "Baby? I...I want to say something."

"Ok...so say it."

"So, just something I've been thinking about, and really, I don't want you to feel any pressure or anything, I just want you to know," Cosima started. "We both know how difficult life can be. We both know that you never know how much time you'll get, but all I know is, whatever time I have left, I want to spend it with you." She paused before continuing. "I just want you to know that despite what we've been through, we can live it together, we can feel it together, we are able to share everything, our heartbreak, our pain, our sadness, but also our joy, our hope, our future."

Cosima reached up to put her hand on Delphine's cheek. "I am so lucky to have found you. I can't believe it sometimes. But it's true. You're here. You're real. And I want to make the most of it." She took a breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to wake up every morning with you. I want us to be together because what we have is special. I want you to move in with me...well, my place is kind of small...we could get a new place, make it ours...gosh, I'm just babbling now. Say something?"

Delphine looked into Cosima's sweet eyes as she stared back with such a kind intensity. She wanted all of that. She smiled, feeling tears coming to her eyes, unable to say anything except, "Ok."

"Yeah?" Cosima's face lit up.

Delphine swallowed, breathing deeply. "Yes, Cosima, I never thought I would find someone else. But I did. And you're right, I can't believe it's real sometimes. You are the sweetest, kindest, most sincere person and I love you with all my heart. _You_ deserve happiness, mon amour, and I will try to give you that every day."

"You already have. More than I ever thought was possible," Cosima replied.

Delphine stroked Cosima's lip with her thumb before pulling her in to kiss her gently. Cosima laid her head back down on Delphine's chest, her mouth up against her soft skin, her finger playing with the locket that always laid around her love's neck.

"I love you," she whispered, closing her eyes.

Delphine squeezed Cosima as tight as she could. She thought about her life. She thought about her mother, and Jen, and all the good times they had together. She only wanted to remember those. She knew she would make more good memories and though they could never fully erase the bad ones, she wouldn't be alone. She would have someone by her side.

"I love you, too," Delphine whispered as she let herself relax and fully feel the love that surrounded her.

" _There's Orion's Belt," Delphine pointed up at the three bright stars._

" _It's such a beautiful night," Jen observed, lying next to Delphine in the grass, holding her hand._

" _Do you ever think about how small we are? How insignificant? If anything we do really matters?" Delphine pondered._

" _Well, sure, but all we can do is live our lives. In the best way we know how," Jen answered. "Live, love, make the most of everything we have, try to be happy."_

 _Delphine looked over at her girlfriend. "Yeah, I know. It's scary sometimes though. How do I know I'm making the most of my life? Living it so I can be as happy as I can be?"_

 _Jen turned on her side to face Delphine. "Honey, you are the most wonderful person I've ever met. You light up people's lives. You are special. I believe that if you put good things out in the world, you will get good things back. You will be happy because you are such a good person. I'm not saying life won't be hard, won't have its challenges, but Delphine," she paused, bringing her hand to Delphine's cheek._

" _In the end, everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I believe that."_


End file.
